The Sarcastic Journalist is a freelance writer and mother of two living near Houston, Texas. She has a degree in journalism and an addiction to magazines. She is hoping never to experience the "joy" of pregnancy again. You can find much more of her home-grown snark at: shenuts.com
In addition to recounting 40 not-so-glowing but hilarious weeks of her pregnancy for our pregnancy calendar the Sarcastic Journalist used her sarcasm super-powers to help make our new edgy sarcastic pregnancy tickers. Check 'em out!
Week 7 : The Sag Factor: Remembering the perky times
Depending on your “pre-baby” body, the swelling of your breasts can be a good or bad thing. Since I already had more than enough pre-pregnancy, the thought of going up another cup size was as welcome as giving birth in the middle of a McDonald's parking lot.
Maybe I’m not that much of a “hands on” type of gal, but I always found out that “the girls” were growing when I was in the shower. I’d put the soap on my loofah and start washing only to yell “ouch!” once I touched my Little Friends.
It was puberty all over again.
By the time pregnancy and breastfeeding were over, I couldn’t remember what they looked like beforehand. Were they really this saggy? Weren’t they perkier?
My advice for anyone who hasn’t experienced breast changes yet: Take a picture. You’ll have something to refer to if you can’t remember what your body was like before. And, if things aren’t the same anymore, well, at least you have a souvenir.
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im 8 weeks pregnant and 3 days ago i started to spott a light soft pink they said it was normal and they heart the babies heart beat but im stillhave a lilttle concern has any one been through this?
Comment on 10th Nov '06 @ 12:52 pmThis comment is 1
This was hillariouse! I am currently pregnant with my 3rd child and I can tell you....the girls are NOT what they used to be. My 2nd child is only nine months old and I asked my husband if the girls looked a little droopy...He said no..but I swear that with this third pregnacy that the girls are definately changing and they are not what they used to be. I wish I would have taken a pic of them before I got prego with my first child. The memory would have been nice! To think I once had non-saggy droopy girlies! :-) Oh well...at least I'm not rolling them up into my bra...YET!
Comment on 11th Nov '06 @ 12:53 pmThis comment is 1
I can really relate to this. I am pregnant with my 3rd child and I breastfed both of my other kids. I plan on breastfeeding again but I definetly don't look forward to the shower scene or "the girls" looking like deflated baloons when it's over. I am actually glad I didn't take a picture because then I would be depressed every time I seen it.(even though mine were nothing to brag about before hand)
Comment on 23rd Nov '06 @ 6:10 pmThis comment is 1
To those of you who tease me for being flat-chested: HA-HAAAA-HA! Pregnant with #2, I know that after I finish with breast-feeding this one, I'll be back to flat (but I'LL still be, "perky")!
Comment on 9th Jan '07 @ 1:54 pmThis comment is 1
I love my girls-I just wish they loved me. Hey i'm realistic we live in a whose are bigger-perkier society. I guess the only way to keep my status would be to never conceive and never breastfeed. No one ever tells you that you'll look great prego and nursing (especially when the milk comes in-ooch)-but then when the baby weans watch out! I've nursed 3 and planning to nurse #4 and I can tell you my "girls" have gone through more changes then my mood today(8 weeks today and riding a never ending emotional roller coaster). Such is life I may never be a model but i'll always have memories of the perkier times, lol.
Love the Sarcastic Journalist!
Comment on 10th Jan '07 @ 12:28 pmThis comment is 1
honey , about the sagging boobs and gut we get after a baby ... thats what good oh plastic surgery is for... it helps alot... trust me.. it helps so the mom can feel like she used to before having kids..
Comment on 12th Jan '07 @ 2:35 pmThis comment is 1
Im only about 7 weeks, i havent gained any weight, but i cant wear any of my cloths...so irritating!!!
Comment on 15th Jan '07 @ 4:06 pmThis comment is 1
Holy cow...this is the only "pregnancy symptoms" I am currently feeling. My new boobs are firm, bigger, and hurts soooo bad. My husband thinks they are great-of course. Even the water pressure from the shower head hurts...ouch! and I'm only 7 weeks 5 days-what size bra am I going to have to get??
Comment on 18th Jan '07 @ 9:42 pmThis comment is 1
Omg they do hurt very very bad lol..I'm also 7 weeks and they are soooo heavy. I was already big in that area and now I *do* feel like a cow..
I did take the picture though..once I found out I was pregnant I had hubby take a photo..I told him to keep it as a souvenir hahahaa
Comment on 27th Jan '07 @ 12:30 pmThis comment is 1
Brilliant.. needed a laugh today in my 7th week... man am I NUTS! haha.
Comment on 7th Feb '07 @ 1:27 pmThis comment is 1
LOL about the chi chi's looking a bit deflated...i haven't experienced since this is my first pregnancy. actually i've been looking forward to bigger chi chi's since as i have a very humble pair...bee stings. i'll probably regret saying this later ^_^
Comment on 7th Feb '07 @ 2:56 pmThis comment is 1
Good morning to you ladies! I'm about 7 weeks I believe. Still haven't gone to the doctor. But this would be my 3rd baby. I have a 9yr old and a 6yr. I'm most defenitly on an emotional rollercoaster by the time I'm done I'm not going to have any friends left. Not to mention the nausea is killing me I can't even brush my teeth in the morning without gaging!!! They say it will probably go away when the placenta is formed. Let's just hope so!!
Comment on 12th Feb '07 @ 11:02 amThis comment is 1
HI IM 7.2WEEKS PREGNANT AND OMG I CANT EAT MEAT I REALLY CANT EAT ANYTHING. IM SCARED THAT MY BABY ISN'T GETTING ANY NUTRIENTS. LIKE MEAT STINKS TO ME.IS THAT NORMAL? WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Comment on 15th Feb '07 @ 10:21 amThis comment is 1
Lots of women have an aversion to meat. Try eggs or beans. Don't worry too much about the nutrients, they go to the baby first. Try to take a prenatal vitamin, especially in the early stages...
Comment on 2nd Mar '07 @ 10:26 amThis comment is 1
I am 7 weks today and I have a 2 12yr old....i was no where near this sick (i even had to get meds from the doctor), my boobs were nowhee near this big, nor was my belly! this has been the longest couple of weeks already! I totally hear where your comming from. I am hoping this gets better SOON!....
Comment on 18th Mar '07 @ 4:40 pmThis comment is 1
Ha! Ha! Ha! I loved this...This is my third child, and I wish I did have a souvenier picture to remind me that I was once perky. Thanks I needed the laugh today.
Comment on 18th Mar '07 @ 7:59 pmThis comment is 1
I am 7 weeks and a few days, the breast pain is getting a little better. My husband LOVES my huge boobs but he still can't quite touch them! I'm back into my old bras though. The ones I shrunk out of after nursing baby #2. I was keeping them as a souvenir of perkier times. :-)
Comment on 7th Apr '07 @ 1:24 pmThis comment is 1
I am almost 7 weeks with my third, and I wish my boobs would swell. They were never big to begin with, but after nursing two very good eaters, they all but disappeared! They never swelled with my first two, so I'm still waiting with this one...I also wish I had a picture from before, just so I could give it to the doctor so he'd know what to make the new ones look like when I'm done having babies!
Comment on 11th Apr '07 @ 3:00 pmThis comment is 1
Hello ladies! Just entering my 7th week too and boobliscious feel like they've been going rounds with Mike Tyson! LOL! I havent yet got the dreaded morning sickness but I have noticed I've got the case of the 'munchies' - plus my work pants wont button up!! I feel so bloated..does anyone else? Surely my tummy isnt growning already?!
Comment on 17th Apr '07 @ 1:08 pmThis comment is 1
OMG...I can tell you that i know my boobs weren't this saggy when i was 20 LOL...
I am now pregnant with my fourth and i breastfeed all 3 of my kids in total 50 months..so they have been stretched and swollen and then deflated many times LOL..Good luck to all the girls that havent experienced this, i really think the pic of pre pregnancy boobs is a great idea, i wish i could look back and go O thats what they used to look like ...hahahhaha
Comment on 17th Apr '07 @ 10:25 pmThis comment is 1
This is definitely the truth " take a picture so you can remember " because you really will NOT remember!!
Comment on 3rd May '07 @ 2:05 pmThis comment is 1
I AM 7 WEEKS 5 DAYS AND I HAVE NOTICED MY BREAST FEELING HEAVIER AND THEY LOOK BIGGER AND MY BRA IS STARTING TO FEEL TIGHT, BUT MY BREAST ACCTUALLY FEEL BETTER WHEN I TAKE A SHOWER AND WHEN I LIE ON THEM, THE PRESSURE HELPS MINE ALOT. IT ONLY HURTS WHEN MY HUSBAND TRIES TO "ENJOY THEM!"
Comment on 26th May '07 @ 2:41 pmThis comment is 1
OH AND I HAVE A QUESTION....ARE MY BOOBS REALLY GOING TO SAG, I AM ONLY 19 AND THEY ARE NOT THAT BIG RIGHT NOW ANYWAY SO DO YOU THINK THEY WONT GET THAT BIG? I DO PLAN ON BREASTFEEDING.....BUT I DONT WANT MY BOOBIES TO SAG!!
Comment on 26th May '07 @ 2:42 pmThis comment is 1
Natasha...in response... YES! I am only on my second pregnancy and before my first I was a good size A almost a B...my mother in law kept reminding me when she caught me without one to put a bra on (I hate bra's)! She kept telling me "You're going to regret it when your boobs are hanging on the floor" All I could do then was laugh b/c my girls were small to begin with how could they possibly droop! By the end of my pregnancy I was in a D cup and after they shrank down after feeding my son...I was between a B and a C cup, but they do sag! I should have listened to my mother in law! This time around I'm making sure to give the ladies as much support as I can...OH and lots of lotion and coco butter! The stretch marks from last time are awful I don't need anymore!
Comment on 6th Jun '07 @ 12:39 pmThis comment is 1
Man! Is this T H O ever going to go away. I have had it for the past week and my nipples are really sore! OUCH Jessica
Comment on 6th Jun '07 @ 1:36 pmThis comment is 1
I am seven weeks (first baby) and this nausia thing is killing me. I cant eat anything it seems. Does anyone know around the time you start getting strech marks?
Comment on 7th Jun '07 @ 8:08 amThis comment is 1
haha i wish i would have taken a picture because i am only 24 weeks with my first and i already notice that they are different. I hope that my nipples shrink back down again!!!!!
Comment on 15th Jul '07 @ 6:06 pmThis comment is 1
Pregnancy is what causing the sagging, because your breasts change in preparation for nursing, whether you end up doing it or not. The amount of sagging caused by breastfeeding is negligible in comparison to what pregnancy does to them.
Comment on 18th Jul '07 @ 6:36 pmThis comment is 1
Ok..."the girls" are and never will be the same again!!! I am pregnant with my third baby and my second is only 6 months old. I was breastfeeding until I got pregnant and "the girls" are confused right now..lol..they definately aren't "up" to what they use to be. I figure they like the way my feet look and since I won't be looking at them for much longer then they might as well enjoy the view!!! But you know what? "The girls" were made for these babies to start with, so who cares what they look like at the end of the day. Enjoy being a woman and enjoy what your body can do for your child :)
Comment on 8th Sep '07 @ 6:45 pmThis comment is 1
LAST WEEK IT WAS BEAUTIFUL BUT THIS WEEK IT'S GETTING BAD. ON MONDAY I FELTED MY FIRST AFTERNOON SICKNESS. AROUND 12:30PM AND TODAY THE SAME THING. AT THE SAME TIME. MY BELLY DOESN'T SHOW YET. THIS IS MY FIRST PREGNANCY. MY BOOBS REALY HURT AND I HAVE ALOT OF HEADACHES. I'M DUE APRIL 29 ANYBODY DUE ON THE SAME DAY OR CLOSER IF THERE ANYTHING THAT I SHOULD KNOW PLEASE LET ME KNOW BECAUSE LIKE I SAID FIRST TIME AND I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT IT. THANKS...
Comment on 11th Sep '07 @ 9:10 pmThis comment is 1
This was the best piece of advice, I am 2 mos along with my second pregnancy. My boobs are already growing and gravity has hit big time. Didnt help I was a size D before getting pregnant!
Comment on 13th Sep '07 @ 8:36 pmThis comment is 1
I am 7 weeks and 6 days. I have since finding out at 4 weeks and 2 days gone up a whole cup size ~ from a 42C to a 42D. If this keeps up every 8 weeks I am going to be massive. DH loves the look but no touching just yet allowed from him
Comment on 9th Oct '07 @ 2:30 amThis comment is 1
I allready have DD breasts so I do not want them to get bigger! There allready to big! This is gonna suck...
Comment on 9th Nov '07 @ 8:57 amThis comment is 1
this is why i'm getting boob job after i'm done breastfeeding
Comment on 16th Dec '07 @ 4:45 pmThis comment is 1
With my first pregnancy, I started out a nice 36C. By the time the baby got here and I started to breastfeed, i had grown to a 40DD!! Talk about cleavage, my boobs were always touching-even without a bra! Oh the good ol' days, now pregnant with number 5, I don't think my boobs would know each other if they ever happen to see each other again.LOL!!!
Comment on 29th Dec '07 @ 8:13 pmThis comment is 1
Hey Selina, I know what you mean. My chest didn't get quite that big but I am also a D now. I'm pregnant with my third and I really don't want to get any bigger. I also have another problem, my right is bigger than my left!Lol What a combo! Good luck everyone. God bless!!
Comment on 4th Jan '08 @ 5:33 pmThis comment is 1
Before getting pregnant I barely filled a B cup. I'm not worried about sagging (I don't believe mosquito bites can sag, LOL) but damn do they hurt! I don't know what I'll do when they start leaking on me.
Comment on 26th Jan '08 @ 11:29 amThis comment is 1
I love this..Im pregnant with baby number 5. I love that they are so sensitive, after breastfeeding 4 babys, they have no feeling and look liked flat pancakes. Now, im loving daddy to touch them. My advice to first time moms...Never take off the bra...hehehe..but seriously..You will see the girls as they were.
Comment on 6th Feb '08 @ 7:24 amThis comment is 1
oops, never see them as they once were!
Comment on 6th Feb '08 @ 7:25 amThis comment is 1
Hahaha love you ladies! I've been having bad mood swings and reading all these posts cracked me up LOL
I was a 32C before having my 1st child. Then I went up to 36F and heavier by 24kg but I managed to go back to being close to my pre-pregnancy weight of 43kg (was 40kg).
Now 8 weeks with 2nd child my girlies are killing me and they are partly to blame for making me irritated at just about anyone and anything.
BTW my jugs have deflated to badly when I kneel on all fours they look just like a cow's udders.
I wonder if it had anything to do with my impatience while using the automated breast pumps with 1st child - I had so much milk (1-1.5litres a day) I had to keep expressing them so I'd squeeze and tugged at the girlies. That's my biggest regret.
Comment on 10th Feb '08 @ 11:06 amThis comment is 1
oh ladies, should we be wearing bras to bed? even the feeling of something on my jugs irritate me I can hardly fall a sleep without pain.
Comment on 10th Feb '08 @ 11:08 amThis comment is 1
Do nipples ever shrink? I'm pregnant with my third within three years, I haven't gotten the chance to find out!
Comment on 18th Feb '08 @ 9:16 pmThis comment is 1
I am 19 and married and we just fouund out that were expecting. and all i can say is wow! this pregnancy is scaring me to death. not only do i have to worry about keeping my baby healthy and growing but all the horror stories about changing bodies and sagging brests is terrifying me. i plan to brestfeed because i know its the healthies route for the baby...but i kinda like my boobs the way they are. is there anyway to prevent sagging and still brestfeed?
Comment on 10th Mar '08 @ 3:34 pmThis comment is 1
Yeah, umm, Before carrying my (now 2 yr old) son I had a Small B cup. . . . . NOW!!! I have a DD, and they are STILL perky!! I was hoping for them to disappear or something, lol, I guess I can hope for it this time around, altho MY DD bra's are already too small and I'm only 7 weeks along!
Comment on 23rd Mar '08 @ 1:01 pmThis comment is 1
Hello Ladies, this story is so true. I'm 7wks & 4 days and I started off a 32 B(barely) and now I'm a 32 C and the girls are almost poping out.. It's crazy... I'm praying I don't get any bigger lol!!!!
Comment on 2nd May '08 @ 7:20 amThis comment is 1
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