The Sarcastic Journalist is a freelance writer and mother of two living near Houston, Texas. She has a degree in journalism and an addiction to magazines. She is hoping never to experience the "joy" of pregnancy again. You can find much more of her home-grown snark at: shenuts.com
In addition to recounting 40 not-so-glowing but hilarious weeks of her pregnancy for our pregnancy calendar the Sarcastic Journalist used her sarcasm super-powers to help make our new edgy sarcastic pregnancy tickers. Check 'em out!
Week 6 : Have you seen my fabulous hemorrhoids?
There is a group of women out there that think they didn’t get morning sickness because they wouldn’t allow themselves to. Like, they think throwing up all day, every day is a state of mind.
“Oh, I just wouldn’t allow myself to throw up,” she says while rubbing her nonexistent belly. “So I didn’t.”
Any pregnant woman that comes across these types of women should turn the other way and run as fast as she can (which might just be lumbering gently away). Why? This woman has the “Miracle of Life Syndrome.”
Every little gas pain and tummy rumble is special. They feel like they’re “glowing” and just love every last bit of pregnancy, right down to the hemorrhoids.
You do not want to be friends with these women. They will brag about “easy” labors. Their babies will sleep through the night by the end of the first week.
Worst of all? She’ll be fitting into her “skinny jeans” by her six week postpartum checkup. Never trust a woman that can fit into her skinny jeans that quickly.
Find yourself someone with hyperemesis. She won’t ask if you “tried crackers.” She’ll be truthful about labor and will be your friend in sweatpants for that first year after the baby.Never underestimate the value of a friendship where you can go grocery shopping together in your pajamas.
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Don't hate biotches. It's all about genetics. Everyone gets the short end of the stick in some way or another. I didn't have morning sickness, but my varicous veins got worse, hemmorhoids got worse, my feet hurt horribly- but I still feel like I have had a blessed pregnancy. Anyone asks how I'm doing and I'll say great- because really I am. ANd I can still wear jeans I wore before I got pregnant! I can't button them, but they're still functional and I'm 32 weeks! ha! I will be back in my regular jeans soon after pregnancy- but so the hell what!? I shouldn't be hated for it. I'm just a small person- I got small boobs to match- so what does everyone got to hate for?
I totally understand. I despise my best friend for not having morning sickness. I'm in the 8th week and I'm having morning, afternoon, and night sickness. I hope this only lasts another month because I can't take another full seven months of this.
I'm a guilty MIRACLE OF LIFER, after trying almost three years to have our child (i'm now pregnant), even my nasuea makes me happy, which is even more sickening lol.
WELL!! I HAVE TO SAY SORRY TO YOU GIRLS BUT FOR MY FIRST PREGNANCY I ACTUALLY ALWAYS USED MY JEANS (WITH OPEN BOTTONS) AND A MEDIUM SIZE SHIRT TO COVER UP AND AFTER HAVING THE BABY..... A WEEK LATER JUST A LITTLE POUCH (WHAT I CALL MP BELLY) I COULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT MY SELF. IT'S NOT OWER FAULT IT HAPPENS THAT FAST FOR SOME OF US. BUT I HAVE TO SAY IS NICE FOR THE ONE GIRLS THAT HAD NO BOOBS ACTUALLY STAYED WITH THEM BIGGER AFTER LABOR (DID NOT HAPPEN TO ME) NOT EXCITED I WHICH I WOULD OFF STILL HAD THEM BIG. DAMN I WAS PAMELA ANDERSON
Morning sickness is in full swing for me. 1st pregnancy I do not remember being this sick. I was pregnant with my daughter so everyone thinks this one is going to be a boy because of how sick I am.
I could wear my pre-pregnancy shirts pretty much right away and a few cotton material skirts but no way could I wear my jeans till about 6 months ago when my hubby deployed. I lost 12lbs and was back into a size 7....but he got back from Iraq to a skinner wife and I got pregnant a week later. lol
well this is my 2nd pregnancy and morning sickness has kicked in.. blah:P i dont see how those women get back into a size 2, dear lord thats like tryin to run a marathon for me right now.. lol i'd be more comfortable in my pj's than anything
you are so right i agree so called perfect are never too perfect there is something there and should not be trusted. this is my 5th pregnancy and im amazed i have not had any morning sickness for the first time in the 5 pregnancies.
this is gonna be my first baby and i thought this was the most hilarious thing i've ever read! i have all day sickness and the wonder stories that i've been getting only contribute to the barf factor. i don't care about YOUR perfect pregnancy when my face is making friends with my toilet!
I love this it is so funny, I hate those women that u see weeks after birth and suddenly they are back to a size 2. I mean come on how are u suppose to deal with those people, I personally choose to stic my tongue out at them. LOL
=]
This is super funny! My first pregnancy was somewhat like that except I didn't jump back into my skinny jeans 6 weeks later! Now pregnant with my second one, I see how annoying that is!! It's like night and day between my first and now my second. Keep it up!! :)
Hey! I refused to *throw up*, tho I couldn't entirely escape the nausea... But yes, I viewed it as a choice, to a certain extent. Now, on the other hand, as far as this "syndrome"... My labor lasted almost three days, took a good several months to lose the weight, and there were innumerable other annoyances associated with that whole situation... all which led to being absolutely certain that I wanted no more kids until my son was atleast a year and I was successfully able to somehow forget the unpleasantness of the birthing stuff. Just saying. One doesn't always mean all. Altho it was amusing.
lol this put a smile on my face and made my morning sickness suddenly disappear
With my 1st child I was blessed to be with in the 20% of woman with no morning sickness....(Now with my 2nd pregnancy am I am not so Lucky)....I did though have heart burn so bad I was on 3 different medications for it. My labor and delivery was only 10 hours long and I did most of it at home...mostly due because I had a doctor tell me that I wasn't in labor yet. Yeah right.....Even with all of this it still took me several months to get back into my "skinny Jeans". I think that over all...all woman are different as is each pregnancy.
but it was a funny article lol
"sigh"...I have to say that this article was written in fun, but for myself, hurt my feelings, and we all know that being pregnant brings emotions in truck loads.
I have had 3 children and lost 1 and each one has been a challenge. I am now on my 5th pregnancy and I am still sicker than sick.
My labors were ok, quick, early, long & painful, and hopefully this next one will be ok again.
I have always gotten back into my "Skinny" size 0 jeans after a week and have had many people make nasty or envious comments to me. It hurts. I was just as pregnant everytime. I have gone through and have endured sickness, pain, loss, post pardum depression, etc. But that is not what people look at me and think.
Again I "sigh" and tell myself it was just a funny sarcastic writting and the next one will probably hit my funny bone, so until the next one.......
thanks for the advise now i know who to watch out for the skinny non- NVP (nauseous and vomiting in pregnancy) crew. Its rough, im going through cramps, fatigue, hungry but cant eat because the food smells make me sick. i just hate the smell of food at work... im considering quitting my job cuz this is just ridiculous.I DARE A PREGNANT CHIK TO GLOAT.
hAhA..... then ask for my job back in a week once the morning sickness is gone.
And why is it called morning sickness?!!! Im sick all DAY TOTALLY UNFAIR.
I really enjoyed reading this, its so true. My first pregnancy was great at first, never had morning sickness or anything, but I did gain 75 pounds and believe me, I didnt lose it! I went 4 days over my due date, then I was in labor for 36 hour, pushed 4 hours and then went into emergancy c-section. I had a 9.7 lb baby. Then my 2nd baby was a breeze with a planned c-section, 7.3 lb. Now on my 3rd, I got horrible morning sickness and am 10 wks and HUGE, on top of my last babies extra belly fat. Horrible stretch marks with both, but sooo worth it in the end. I guess there isnt anything wrong with those woman that have flat tummies, but it sure does make me mad that Im not one of them! LOL.
I think this article is ridiculous! We all know pregnancy can be exhausting and you don't exactly feel great the whole time but the fact of the matter is you are growing a beautiful baby in your belly and that out weighs it all! I am now pregnant with baby number two and feel great. In my first pregnancy I was nauseous the whole time, swollen ankles, unbelievable heartburn and couldn't keep my eyes open past eight at night, all while working full time (until five days before I delivered) but I chose not to complain and I loved every minute of it. Yes, hemorrhoids and all. I know some woman are truly so sick that they cannot function but there are also woman who take advantage of being pregnant to get what they want or for the attention of it all. Sad but very true.
As far as postpartum goes, my baby did sleep through the night early on and I think you should be able to talk to your friends about all your experiences with your new baby, good and bad. I do agree it's totally unfair for the gals who do fit in their "skinny" jeans at six weeks (mine are still are hanging in the closet from round one) but you can't hold it against them as they shouldn't hold it against those of us who had positive pregnancy's and easy babies.
Last but not not least, please don't grocery shop in your pj's. I always hear woman say they don't have time to take care of them selves after having children... I call bs on that! You can look great in comfortable clothes too! Just throw on something that is not out of your husbands closet, brush your hair, apply some powder, a little blush or bronzer, a coat of mascara and some gloss. It doesn't have to take you an hour to get ready! It will make you feel better in the end, I promise.
Hey I'm that woman you described....
LOL but I just nod and I don't brag!
I loved not having Morning sickness,Its a blessing!!
enjoy!
i agree this is silly. you can really change your reality by your mind if want, so this is the type of women i'd LOVE to hang around!
I think this is a ridiculous article. Why wouldnt you want to surround yourself with people that wont complain and freak you out about pregnancy and labor? I am on my third prenancy now, and the first two were a breeze. No morning sickness, non-complicated labor, and my daughter started sleeping through the night at 5 weeks. So should I not have any pregnant friends just because I have been lucky?
I think this article is funny. If someone had suggested crackers during my first pregnancy, I probably would have thrown up on them! I was never so sick in my life and it definitely has nothing to do with the mind! I was on a drip for a week as I could not even think of food. As a result I lost 10 kg early on and was very thin after, but health wise, it did me no good, even though I had envious looks from other new mothers, I would rather have had a bit of weight!
My sister-n-law and I were three months apart. I was excited and blessed to have no morning sickness with my first, or any other symptoms. I was never even grouchy (6 weeks into my second and lucky so far). I felt amazing, while my new little sister was completely miserable.
She carried two days over and they took her baby cesarean. She was wearing her size 1 jeans the next week. She never got any stretch marks.
My baby was two weeks late, I had to make the "special" OB visit and monitor the baby every other day after my due-date. She still wasn't ready to come out, so I had to be induced. 23 hours later, my little girl was born. The delivery itself was the easiest 5 minutes of my life. I was so numb that I actually started laughing at the nurses encouragement- "You're such a good pusher."
I still don't fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans (never lost that 15 lbs), my stretch marks (I call them my 'love scars') look like I've been mauled by many tiny cats and I am a little jealous of my sister's tiny size, but I still adore her.
I look at it this way- when I see skinny women with babies, I just think of it as magic. Where did they keep theirs?
I loved this article. I throw up and gain weight- how that happens I have no idea.
I've had friends like this- one woman in particular who has extremely easy pregnancies and labors and manages to lose the weight almost immediately postpartum. She just does not understand, and she takes it as some sort of moral superiority that she can have seven home births, no miscarriages, and still look like she's never been pregnant.
This is soo funny!! I didn't see it as an insult but as a way to get people to laugh. I had severe morning sickness with my first and with this one Im 6 weeks and already feeling like Im going to vomit every minute of the day. I actually had someone tell me that it was all the power of the mind and if I thought positive I would be better. I got a good laugh when she got pregnant a couple months later and was sick all the time but I kept it to myself. Heres a hint for people who have never had kids, keep your advice to yourself.
I havent had morning sickness, constipation, OR hemmorrhoids... or even heartburn.. just dizziness...
This is so true. It's so annoying when people keep telling you to try this home remedy or that one. None of them helped. Sorry. When you can't eat anything and the thought of eating makes you even sicker, chicken noodle soup isn't going to help. A friend did tell me to try something her doctor told her, half of a uniasom and a b6 tablet. That actually helps, for the most part. The other types of people who have it so easy, lucky them, but stay away form me.
LMAO!!!! SO VERY VERY TRUE>> THANKS FOR THE LAUGH, LOVE PAJAMAS
You go girl!!! Amen :)
I agree with Sandra. I also don't want to be friends with someone who thinks like that. I have 5 sisters in law that all have different opinions on morning sickness. I think that positive thinking might get you as for as the bathroom doorway. Sometimes it jsut happens. It's not like it's something that you can control with your thinking. With my second I got so sick that I had to get a prescripiton for pills to help me quit throwing up. Good luck everyone. God Bless!
My first was text book. Gained 16 lbs. Weighed less after 2 weeks than I did before pregnancy. But I was never the same shape. And from about 4 weeks on my baby screamed EVERY night for 2 months straight before we figured out what was setting her off.
My second one I gained 32 lbs and really haven't lost much...I've lost and gained that same amount two or three times in the 2 1/2 yrs since her birth.
I'm now on my 3rd. and though I still don't have morning sickness besides the carsickness I'm fine. Like always.
The problem isn't with women fitting in the pre-pregnancy pants right before they leave the hospital or with the woman whose never had a lick of morning sickness. The problem is that some of those people will judge you and imply that you just aren't as good as they because you can't claim the same. No not all women that lose all the weight quickly act like that but some do...and those people are just not people I want to be friends with.
I have totally been pegged with the “Miracle of Life Syndrome.” LOL! It was a great article. Definitely not taken offensively by me :) I am all about the power of positive thinking... if you think it you can do it. So if you are expecting m/s than you more than likely will have it. But even if you are thinking positive, God still has a plan... and it will knock you on your butt sometimes. But thinking positive about it helps you get through it that much more gracefully. Don't run far away from those other positive thinkers around you.... they still need support and praise, just like you do - and they will definitely offer it in return :) And SMILE when you don't feel good.... think about the wonderful thing happening to your body and your life!!
I somewhat disagree with this article. My first pregnant was AMAZING. I had morning sicknedd for 5 days in a row, then never again. I never had Braxton Hicks. I never went to the hospital, other than my water breaking at 8 in the morning. I went through 14 hours of labor, with an epidural and demoral, so I slept through the ENTIRE thing. The doctors woke me up to push, but I kept falling asleep. I felt nothing when I pushed my daughter, save for some pressure. My daughter slept the night through after about a month, and I was wearing size 3 jeans about 2 months after I had my daughter. However, I wasn't all "Oh I had a gas pain! How wonderful! What a miracle!" I most certainly wasn't that happy. I was moody from time to time and suffed my face. I gained 46 pounds. Now I am 4 weeks pregnant again, and I have experienced frequent, but mild, nausea and headaches. Anyways, I don't know where I am going with this, I just think that despite it being sarcastic, a woman can't help if she has an easy pregnany or not. Although I do agree: Stay away from the women who are excited to has gas pains and hemmorhoids. They just might need help. =)
I totally agree morning sickness isn't a state of mind. My husband wouldn't agree. I am seven weeks and 5 days and have been over the toilet sick since about a week and a half after conception. He told me Sat. if you don't mind it doesn't matter. I could have slapped him and then last night. I was over the golden throne again and he said, "Well you just don't need to eat anymore if you aren't going to keep it down... He is sleeping on the couch. I told him to get pregnant and then talk to me. After many miscarriages (and none of them with me being sick ever) I am happy to being going through this has the dear Dr. says it is a good sign of a healthy pregnancy. If that is the case then I will throw up all nine months if need be and will accept it with gladness if it means a healthy pregnancy and a baby at the end.
It's true! I have already ran into THAT woman. And what's worse is I work with her so I can't get away from her! She is always on about how her breasts never hurt and how she never got sick with either of her son's blah blah blah and how she was never tired. Oh and did I mention it was 22 years ago?
haha-so funny;p I am that girl you are talking about but I am not braggy. If someone asks how I am doing I do say I feel great! However, I do not think that morning sickness is a state of mind, who would WANT to be sick?! Some of us just get lucky:) Don't hate me because of it:( We still can be friends:):):) I'll hold your hair while your getting sick and I'll wear my sweats instead of my skinny jeans if it makes you feel better;p Hugs!!
Oh My god you cannot stop your self from morning sickness what a bunch of dreams!!!!!!!! I found out im 6 weeks and I was sick 1 day and thought it would be a peice of cake I feel so sick now HELP
So many of you are MISSING THE POINT!!! The purpose of this series of articles is a funny, exaggerated look at pregnancy. So go whine somewhere else. If you can't laugh at the maladies of pregnancy, you're not going to come through it very well. To those who find these articles to be offensive, you definitely should not read Vicki Iovine's The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy. You'll really have a fit.
I hope they don't pay this person, because these articles are awful.
I LOVED this article!! I am on my 3rd pregnancy and have been exposed and friendly with plenty of pregnant women.. While I know that the easy pregnancy having woman along with easy labor AND easy baby is not common.. it does exist and whiloe I;m happy for those few women, this article still ROCKS!!
I think it is sad that people seem to read this and feel nothing but resentment. she made this be sarcastic and fun. I am optomistic and this made me feel a little bit better. i am 20 and pregnant with my first. i have been unable to keep food down. i was put on medicine so i wouldn't have an early birth and I am only 14 weeks along but ! am happy and look forward to my remaining time. the only time i feel sexy is when my husband makes me feel that way.
I think it is sad that people seem to read this and feel nothing but resentment. she made this be sarcastic and fun. I am optomistic and this made me feel a little bit better. i am 20 and pregnant with my first. i have been unable to keep food down. i was put on medicine so i wouldn't have an early birth and I am only 14 weeks along but ! am happy and look forward to my remaining time. the only time i feel sexy is when my husband makes me feel that way.
I think it is sad that people seem to read this and feel nothing but resentment. she made this be sarcastic and fun. I am optomistic and this made me feel a little bit better. i am 20 and pregnant with my first. i have been unable to keep food down. i was put on medicine so i wouldn't have an early birth and I am only 14 weeks along but ! am happy and look forward to my remaining time. the only time i feel sexy is when my husband makes me feel that way.
To Jennifer and Nikol---blah blah blah blah blah! LOL
Nobody hates you (much) for having a beautiful experience, but trust me: most women will find this hilarious and feel better about NOT feeling "magical". Keep an open mind, will ya?
This article is genius. I was in shape, working out everyday and eating healthy. Then pregnancy hit. At 6 wks. I couldn't move an inch without gagging or vomiting. I got so tired of the cracker suggestion. I don't know how people couldn't see it was beyond that. I was active and healthy and now suddenly I wasn't. I didn't just decide to sit around and be sick once I became pregnant. This lasted a horrifying 9 months. Nothing glorious about it....and I am an optimist.
I totally disagree with this article. Every word of it disgusts me.
You seem to be a pretty negative person. and i hate this article. I think it makes you look like you're trying to say that optimistic mothers are bullsh*t.
LMAO and soooo true! I'm with Marissa that this article is not meant to offend, but to give struggling women something to laugh about. If you don't get that, read the author's title: The Sarcastic Journalist. That's the whole point.
It's not the women with the easy "perfect" preganancies that are the problem. It's the ones that act holier than thou about it, like your only problem is that you aren't handling it well. Every pregnancy is different, but that doesn't mean the mothers that are throwing up ten times a day are doing something wrong. When I was pregnant with my son, and missing tons of work because of the morning sickness, someone told me it's all in your mind - and she's never had kids!!! These people should not be allowed to speak to pregnant women at all. I'm now at six weeks with my second and hoping for a lot less nausea this time around. I won't take it as a sign I'm handling it any better though, just that I'm a lot luckier this time!
I loved this article. I''m six weeks and I have the typical morning sickness, but have only vomited a couple of times so far. The women I know who didn't have morning sickness(few and far between) chalk it up to being extremely blessed.
About the first time baby sleeping through the night: My mom always says that I was the lamb and My younger brother was the goat. All of you second time moms with a lamb, be prepared for the goat!
I love it! I'm pregnant with my second child (3rd pregnancy) and, like shanny80, although I never throw-up, I am constantly, horrifically and debilitatingly nauseous.
My first, although born extremely healthy, picked up a germ in hospital that made her very ill and almost constantly screaming in pain for the first few months, and so my initial experience of having a baby was not the greatest, to say the least. I have to say that, if it weren't for a handful of "SMUG MOMS", I may have felt a bit less inadequate. So this article rings very true for me, not because there's anything wrong with fitting back into your jeans very quickly or having an easy baby, but because of the judgement that many of these smug moms pass (and have for decades) on those of us who do not have an easy time, as if we're doing something wrong.
So don't take this article personally - it is true for some, but maybe not for you. And if you're not one of these moms, it's thanks to your empathy and lack of judgement for those who have not been as lucky as you.
I'm not pregnant, and I don't intend to be anytime soon (although I'm not really the one in charge of the whole 'when' thing anyway, am I?). However, my best friend IS pregnant, at 19, with her first child, which is why I'm here (I'm the aunt from the father's side).
My highschool (because yes, she and I are 06 graduates) was FILLED with young women exactly like that in the article. They glowed, they floated, they had the baby over the weekend and showed up in their regular size 3 jeans on Monday. It's loathesome, really, when you see all the other, older, more mature women who have been trying so hard become so miserable when they finally concieve...
But this was great, especially for someone who isn't there yet, but has seen both sides.
Hi guys! Here I am in my 17th week and I have still gained only 3 lbs. and have graduated to my "fat jeans" (size 9 jrs). However, I'm still just as trustworthy as ever! And, mindy, does your doctor know you are throwing people at 24 weeks? That sounds like a recipe for pre-term labor...
I still feel sorry for all of the angry bitter women out there. Just remember, you are creating life, get over yourselves and get happy!
First let me say that I LOVE the sarcastic journalist. Second, most pregnancies/labor/deliveries/child rearing range somewhere between the two extremes sited in this article. Third, EVERYONE is different, and therefore their experiences in life are different and thank God for it! Life would be unbearable if we didn't have these petty differences for us to argue over. And lastly, to Lisa and Allason I hope you two become long lasting friends because I don't trust either of you as far as my 27 year old 24 week pregnant self can throw either of your skinny butts!
And by the way- definition of sarcasm:
–noun 1. harsh or bitter derision or irony.
2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark: a review full of sarcasms.
3.A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.
Really funny article - although hopefully not accurate - I am pregnant with my very FIRST baby in November (keep your fingers crossed) after trying for way too many years! (I have the best RE!) I have the miracle of life syndrome - I'll admit it! So far no morning sickness or nastiness except my sinuses are in serious overdrive - but I have decided that I want to appreciate my pregnancy - I may not like parts of it (I'm sure I won't!) but I want to try to appreciate it for what it is - my body changing because it's FINALLY carrying a baby - so run away ladies! Here I come - already wearing my sweat pants - why should that change??? And by the way - I haven't fit into "skinny" jeans since I was in my early twenties!
I think women who say their pregnancys were perfect forgot about any pain and problems they had once they held their baby. I know I thought the same way and my husband reminded me of how much pain I was in and the morning sickness. It all comes back to haunt you eventually.
yes I looked like the back of a bus when I had my first child and didnt enjoy the metamorphasis from slim and nubile to large and waddling one little bit! Am not looking forward to it second time round either as I have a heavier starting point! The end result is worth it though but it does take a toll on self confidence so humour is a necessary ingredient throughout pregnancy - if you are big I suggest you avoid those "skinny just a bump" types and hang out with fellow "side of house" types until you have delivered and started back at the gym......... have fun and be healthyxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Umm does anyone have a pin to pop lisa's ego inflated head. granted it is a little mean spirited to say don't trust a skinny woman;this is just a forum for women to express the ugly side of pregnancy and to have a laugh (you know comic relief). you had an easy pregnancy congratulations to you. realize that not everyone is going to be thrilled when you tell them how fabulous your pregnancy was(especially when theirs isn't going so well).
Why is it that every woman on the planet asks you if you've tried crackers? I've been throwing up every day since week 4 (I'm 14 weeks now). Don't ya think crackers are one of the first things I tried? Good heavens... I am already tired of people's advice, and I have 26 weeks to go!
thanks allison. good luck to you and your baby!!
props to u lisa.... i will be your friend.... i am a very loyal, trustworthy person myself who has been blessed w/ easy pregnancies.... i am 28 and preggo w/ my third... i only gained 17 w/ my oldest daughter and she was a 7 1/2 of it.... i actually weighed less one week after her birth than BEFORE i got pregnant... i only gained 26 pounds w/ my second daughter and she was 9 of it...again weighed less a week later than before i got preg... put down the formula and breast feed people, it burns mad calories!!! i also had simple breezy labor and deliveries... these do not make me a bad person... w/ the exception of morning sickness (i do not believe that can be controlled) some of these problems ARE brought on by the woman... i watch baby programs on tv all the time where women are having terrible labors and deliveries... to them i say... don't fight the contractions and when its time to push for the love of God, PUSH!! poop on the kid if ya have to... i do not feel sorry for any woman who won't push her kid out especially if she has had an epidural... there is NO PAIN after an epidural... anyone who tells u that just wants some attention and they are lying
i dont throw up and i dont gain much weight and im 26 and the same size i was in high school(7) 6 wks into my third pregnancy. im a fabulous, trustworthy, skinny, pretty lady. i feel sorry for people who are so jelous of people like me they tell people not to trust me. what is that??
First let me say...I think this article was terribly funny! I've not had morning sicknes (yet). This is week six for me. I don't think that some should take this as being offensive...it's only meant to be funny, and to uplift those of us who only dream of skinny jeans and to those who came out of the hospital in their skinny jeans - just to make you feel good. There is a thing about sarcasm...sarcasm is wit, but funnier. Between my rollercoaster emotions, complete lack of functional intestines (constipation), and general irritability...I'm glad someone can take a unique perspective and make it something that brightens my day. Smile, y'all, we're havin' a baby! :D
i love what the sarcastic journalist wrote!!! However i never had morning sickeness for either of my previous pregnancies, but i sure as heck didn't fit into my skinny jeans haha. I gained 45 lbs my first pregnancy, and 50 lbs my 2nd. Took me a year to lose the weight for both...now my kudos goes to KATE who wrote the comment just before me. She knows EXACTLY what a pregnant lady thinks haha. I'm with you all the way
FINALLY!! someone said it. albit a little different. though i never had morning sickness with 1 or 2 it's killing me like revenge with 3. AND just so that #18 Amanda knows... skinny girls can't be trusted. When you have a baby and you need that 1st year in sweats, then come and talk to me. Cause the skinny girls and thier skinny jeans make you feel bad. And some men wonder... why can't you loose it like her... and no woman that has just had a baby wants to invite that kind of thought about themselves... so SUCK IT UP!! and just so that you know... having morning sickness and such, doesn't make your preganacy a 'difficult' one, if you really want to know what 'difficult' is, ask you OB!
What a refreshing, realistic portrayal of pregnancy!!! The only thing missing was mention of the women who feel 'sexy' when they're pregnant.
This is hilarious, my boss is just entering her second trimester, and of course never had a lick of morning sickness. I however, am only in my 5th week and have horrible reflux and have the feeling like I'm about to throw up every time I stand up. My boss made the comment at a party this weekend-- 'I think it's all a state of mind, it's all in how you think of it.' I wanted to slap her.
I am as of today 6months and 1 day pregnant..and i only got sick twice!!! only queezy the rest of the time..thank god..lol
i went for my ck up yesterday and my ob stated that i need to gain weight..i weight 107 and 5'7 but healthy!!
I thought this article was hilarious. With my first baby I was sick the whole pregnancy, but had an easy labor. Because I was so sick I didn't buy maternity clothes, just ones with elastic(I didn't get very big). Now with number 2 almost here, I didn't have morning sickness, but I'm afraid I'll probably have a difficult labor to make up for it. I can't wait!!
AMEN. Sweatpants got me through the first year of my son's life. I did have a sort-of easy time for those 9 mo, but even that was heck! Now I'm on #2, and I am waiting for the symptoms to set it!
I think this article is hilarioius and personally don't think it's meant to offend anyone, but help people who are suffering, laugh. I had an easy pregnancy the first time around. 25.5 hours of labor, but my son was born with 2 pushes....so I can't complain....but then again, he's been sick just about since birth (ear infections -- meaning tubes and adnoids removed TWICE and a heart murmur) so it's always been back and forth to dr's. He is almost 3 and STILL doesn't sleep thru the night and eats very little most days. So even tho someones pregnancy was great (so they say) or the labor was easy, or even if their baby seems to sleep thru the night....no one has any idea whats in store for them in the future....so be thankful for what YOU have and just be lucky you are able to get pregnant and be sick and have a hard labor, cuz some women would give anything to be in your shoes. As I'm beginning my second preg. (6 weeks) I'm experiencing mild morning sickness, and am actually thankful to know what a not so easy pregnancy is like. I feel like now, I'm really finding out what it's like to be willing to do ANYTHING for my kids. (ha) As for the weight....NO ONE is the same shape or weight as they were before pregnancy....even if the scale says the same number. Everyone's bodies change and the weight is distrubuted to other places....so again, be thankful you are 10 pounds over the weight you were before (or 50 even) because that just means you gave life to someone else and sacrificed a part of you to do so....have faith in yourself that you can be the size you want to be and remember to GIVE IT TIME!!! It took me 1 year to get to a weight I was ok with, but I'm still not where I want to be, but I probably never will be. GENES....skinny ones dont run in my family! ha....I'm just glad I'm here and healthy enough to raise my son and future son or daughter and have a husband that loves me and somehow doesn't notice I have more weight than before! =)
I am one of those women who is naseauted all day, but never throws up. Pregnancy isn't an easy thing for anyone, regardless of how it goes. I truly believe there is a part of our brain that forgets some of the bad stuff because if we didn't, we all would probably never get pregnant again. This article made me laugh through all the aches and pains. Although not true for everyone, it was funny.
Oh come on. I gained 26 pounds total with my second (28 with my first) and even with the exercise/eating right, etc. it wasn't an "easy weight loss." I had to WORK at it.
I, too, find this to be insulting. My first pregnancy I had morning sickness all day long the entire time. It never went away...for that I gained only 28 pounds the entire time. I fit into smaller clothes than pre-pregnancy within 8 weeks! [I lost 10 more pounds from 6 weeks to 8] Why? Because I was exhausted and running all over changing diapers, washing sheets, up all night...although by 10 weeks, my daughter stopped waking up for 3am feedings. This article generalizes to the extreme on the other end of it...describing pregnancy and post-partum time as a depressing and FAT time in a woman's life...it's very reasonable for a woman to have limited weight gain thus easy weight loss, easy labor and rather easy pregnancy. Other than my morning sickness, it was a fabulous pregnancy...no constipation, hemmoroids or otherwise. This time I find no vomiting...what a blessing...I feel lucky and thank my lucky stars for each day that passes that I do not pray to the porcelain gods!
This article is hilarious. Anyone who can keep at bay morning sickness with the power of the mind probably didn't have it in the first place! I also agree with Jennifer don't hate everyone who just happens to have a good pregnancy, labor and a baby that sleeps through the night at 6 weeks. It happened to me with my first. They call it text book pregnancies and births and yes they do happen and no we are not elaborating or making it up it is true - so don't hate us for it. I am pregnant with number 2 and hoping that I will be just as lucky the 2nd time round. Remember everyone is different and every persons body reacts differently thats what makes the human race unique.
This was a cute article. I am expecting my 3rd child in June. After my first I was back in my skinny jeans the next day. But, once baby # 2 came I never fit back into the same old jeans. (: Now forget it! (: And I am very sick w/ morning sickness (ALL DAY) But, I expecting that after having 2 kids already! (:
this was hilarious! i am one of those women with an easy labor. my oldest fell out after 4 hours (i never pushed) my youngest took only 5 hours (he was facing up when he came out) so i cringe everytime someone asks me how long my labor was. but i didn't get hemmoroids, and it took me six months to get to my pre-pregnancy weight. but then i am the world's biggest baby when it comes to pain....so i'll just say i was only given what i could handle.
I agree! I am 6 weeks pregnant with my 4th and green, green, green! In my last three, I tried all the suggestions, nothing worked.
Nothing but time. With my first I was sick until the day he was born. With my second, for 5 months, with my third, I think around the same. So if there is anyone out there with a real cure, let me know!
LMAO! I had to deal with my mom looking at me like I was an alien when she witnessed my symptoms. I was nauseaous for most of my first trimester. I lost weight. I had to get prescription pre-natal pills so I could function. I'm 19 weeks and better now but it is still no walk in the park. Kudos to the author of this article.
i really agree with this article! although making me laugh i found it totally on the mark! i unfortunately miscarried my first baby at 11wks and i had bleeding during both my subsequent pregnancys up to 12 weeks. i also suffered terrible morning sickness with my first baby and was still throwing up way past my 8month mark! so pregnancy to me is a time of constant worry, and that worry doesn't ease until i have that baby saftely nestled in my arms! i am currently 6wks pregnant at the mo (due may 16 2007)when i hear about women who have really easy pregnancy's i dont hate them, ...although slightly jealous i just think 'lucky you!' but not everyone has these dream pregnancys and births ....and just may not want to listen to other's being boastful!
I think this article is very salty and untrue. I am currently 6wks preg. with my second baby. I had and AWSOME first preg. and labor and not to mention my baby was all around a good baby (not a Perfect sleeper but it wasnt what most terrified me of) I think all woman are different and just because my first preg. went so good I woulnd expect people to hate me or despise me for it!!!! I just wish it upon everybody and hope this preg goes just a good!! (NO morning sickness again...so far)
I love this article. I laughed all the way through it and then some. BTW so so true.