The Sarcastic Journalist is a freelance writer and mother of two living near Houston, Texas. She has a degree in journalism and an addiction to magazines. She is hoping never to experience the "joy" of pregnancy again. You can find much more of her home-grown snark at: shenuts.com
In addition to recounting 40 not-so-glowing but hilarious weeks of her pregnancy for our pregnancy calendar the Sarcastic Journalist used her sarcasm super-powers to help make our new edgy sarcastic pregnancy tickers. Check 'em out!
Week 6 : Have you seen my fabulous hemorrhoids?
There is a group of women out there that think they didn’t get morning sickness because they wouldn’t allow themselves to. Like, they think throwing up all day, every day is a state of mind.
“Oh, I just wouldn’t allow myself to throw up,” she says while rubbing her nonexistent belly. “So I didn’t.”
Any pregnant woman that comes across these types of women should turn the other way and run as fast as she can (which might just be lumbering gently away). Why? This woman has the “Miracle of Life Syndrome.”
Every little gas pain and tummy rumble is special. They feel like they’re “glowing” and just love every last bit of pregnancy, right down to the hemorrhoids.
You do not want to be friends with these women. They will brag about “easy” labors. Their babies will sleep through the night by the end of the first week.
Worst of all? She’ll be fitting into her “skinny jeans” by her six week postpartum checkup. Never trust a woman that can fit into her skinny jeans that quickly.
Find yourself someone with hyperemesis. She won’t ask if you “tried crackers.” She’ll be truthful about labor and will be your friend in sweatpants for that first year after the baby.Never underestimate the value of a friendship where you can go grocery shopping together in your pajamas.
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I love this article. I laughed all the way through it and then some. BTW so so true.
Comment on 24th Aug '06 @ 7:56 pmThis comment is 1
I think this article is very salty and untrue. I am currently 6wks preg. with my second baby. I had and AWSOME first preg. and labor and not to mention my baby was all around a good baby (not a Perfect sleeper but it wasnt what most terrified me of) I think all woman are different and just because my first preg. went so good I woulnd expect people to hate me or despise me for it!!!! I just wish it upon everybody and hope this preg goes just a good!! (NO morning sickness again...so far)
Comment on 14th Sep '06 @ 9:30 pmThis comment is 1
i really agree with this article! although making me laugh i found it totally on the mark! i unfortunately miscarried my first baby at 11wks and i had bleeding during both my subsequent pregnancys up to 12 weeks. i also suffered terrible morning sickness with my first baby and was still throwing up way past my 8month mark! so pregnancy to me is a time of constant worry, and that worry doesn't ease until i have that baby saftely nestled in my arms! i am currently 6wks pregnant at the mo (due may 16 2007)when i hear about women who have really easy pregnancy's i dont hate them, ...although slightly jealous i just think 'lucky you!' but not everyone has these dream pregnancys and births ....and just may not want to listen to other's being boastful!
Comment on 19th Sep '06 @ 4:14 pmThis comment is 1
LMAO! I had to deal with my mom looking at me like I was an alien when she witnessed my symptoms. I was nauseaous for most of my first trimester. I lost weight. I had to get prescription pre-natal pills so I could function. I'm 19 weeks and better now but it is still no walk in the park. Kudos to the author of this article.
Comment on 26th Sep '06 @ 10:37 amThis comment is 1
I agree! I am 6 weeks pregnant with my 4th and green, green, green! In my last three, I tried all the suggestions, nothing worked.
Nothing but time. With my first I was sick until the day he was born. With my second, for 5 months, with my third, I think around the same. So if there is anyone out there with a real cure, let me know!
Comment on 3rd Oct '06 @ 12:17 pmThis comment is 1
this was hilarious! i am one of those women with an easy labor. my oldest fell out after 4 hours (i never pushed) my youngest took only 5 hours (he was facing up when he came out) so i cringe everytime someone asks me how long my labor was. but i didn't get hemmoroids, and it took me six months to get to my pre-pregnancy weight. but then i am the world's biggest baby when it comes to pain....so i'll just say i was only given what i could handle.
Comment on 11th Oct '06 @ 3:52 pmThis comment is 1
This was a cute article. I am expecting my 3rd child in June. After my first I was back in my skinny jeans the next day. But, once baby # 2 came I never fit back into the same old jeans. (: Now forget it! (: And I am very sick w/ morning sickness (ALL DAY) But, I expecting that after having 2 kids already! (:
Comment on 14th Oct '06 @ 8:26 amThis comment is 1
This article is hilarious. Anyone who can keep at bay morning sickness with the power of the mind probably didn't have it in the first place! I also agree with Jennifer don't hate everyone who just happens to have a good pregnancy, labor and a baby that sleeps through the night at 6 weeks. It happened to me with my first. They call it text book pregnancies and births and yes they do happen and no we are not elaborating or making it up it is true - so don't hate us for it. I am pregnant with number 2 and hoping that I will be just as lucky the 2nd time round. Remember everyone is different and every persons body reacts differently thats what makes the human race unique.
Comment on 16th Oct '06 @ 11:54 pmThis comment is 1
I, too, find this to be insulting. My first pregnancy I had morning sickness all day long the entire time. It never went away...for that I gained only 28 pounds the entire time. I fit into smaller clothes than pre-pregnancy within 8 weeks! [I lost 10 more pounds from 6 weeks to 8] Why? Because I was exhausted and running all over changing diapers, washing sheets, up all night...although by 10 weeks, my daughter stopped waking up for 3am feedings. This article generalizes to the extreme on the other end of it...describing pregnancy and post-partum time as a depressing and FAT time in a woman's life...it's very reasonable for a woman to have limited weight gain thus easy weight loss, easy labor and rather easy pregnancy. Other than my morning sickness, it was a fabulous pregnancy...no constipation, hemmoroids or otherwise. This time I find no vomiting...what a blessing...I feel lucky and thank my lucky stars for each day that passes that I do not pray to the porcelain gods!
Comment on 18th Oct '06 @ 11:49 amThis comment is 1
Oh come on. I gained 26 pounds total with my second (28 with my first) and even with the exercise/eating right, etc. it wasn't an "easy weight loss." I had to WORK at it.
Comment on 9th Nov '06 @ 9:01 pmThis comment is 1
I am one of those women who is naseauted all day, but never throws up. Pregnancy isn't an easy thing for anyone, regardless of how it goes. I truly believe there is a part of our brain that forgets some of the bad stuff because if we didn't, we all would probably never get pregnant again. This article made me laugh through all the aches and pains. Although not true for everyone, it was funny.
Comment on 15th Nov '06 @ 12:31 pmThis comment is 1
I think this article is hilarioius and personally don't think it's meant to offend anyone, but help people who are suffering, laugh. I had an easy pregnancy the first time around. 25.5 hours of labor, but my son was born with 2 pushes....so I can't complain....but then again, he's been sick just about since birth (ear infections -- meaning tubes and adnoids removed TWICE and a heart murmur) so it's always been back and forth to dr's. He is almost 3 and STILL doesn't sleep thru the night and eats very little most days. So even tho someones pregnancy was great (so they say) or the labor was easy, or even if their baby seems to sleep thru the night....no one has any idea whats in store for them in the future....so be thankful for what YOU have and just be lucky you are able to get pregnant and be sick and have a hard labor, cuz some women would give anything to be in your shoes. As I'm beginning my second preg. (6 weeks) I'm experiencing mild morning sickness, and am actually thankful to know what a not so easy pregnancy is like. I feel like now, I'm really finding out what it's like to be willing to do ANYTHING for my kids. (ha) As for the weight....NO ONE is the same shape or weight as they were before pregnancy....even if the scale says the same number. Everyone's bodies change and the weight is distrubuted to other places....so again, be thankful you are 10 pounds over the weight you were before (or 50 even) because that just means you gave life to someone else and sacrificed a part of you to do so....have faith in yourself that you can be the size you want to be and remember to GIVE IT TIME!!! It took me 1 year to get to a weight I was ok with, but I'm still not where I want to be, but I probably never will be. GENES....skinny ones dont run in my family! ha....I'm just glad I'm here and healthy enough to raise my son and future son or daughter and have a husband that loves me and somehow doesn't notice I have more weight than before! =)
Comment on 16th Nov '06 @ 1:36 pmThis comment is 1
AMEN. Sweatpants got me through the first year of my son's life. I did have a sort-of easy time for those 9 mo, but even that was heck! Now I'm on #2, and I am waiting for the symptoms to set it!
Comment on 23rd Nov '06 @ 8:16 pmThis comment is 1
I thought this article was hilarious. With my first baby I was sick the whole pregnancy, but had an easy labor. Because I was so sick I didn't buy maternity clothes, just ones with elastic(I didn't get very big). Now with number 2 almost here, I didn't have morning sickness, but I'm afraid I'll probably have a difficult labor to make up for it. I can't wait!!
Comment on 28th Nov '06 @ 8:34 pmThis comment is 1
I am as of today 6months and 1 day pregnant..and i only got sick twice!!! only queezy the rest of the time..thank god..lol
i went for my ck up yesterday and my ob stated that i need to gain weight..i weight 107 and 5'7 but healthy!!
Comment on 10th Dec '06 @ 1:27 pmThis comment is 1
This is hilarious, my boss is just entering her second trimester, and of course never had a lick of morning sickness. I however, am only in my 5th week and have horrible reflux and have the feeling like I'm about to throw up every time I stand up. My boss made the comment at a party this weekend-- 'I think it's all a state of mind, it's all in how you think of it.' I wanted to slap her.
Comment on 11th Dec '06 @ 2:45 pmThis comment is 1
What a refreshing, realistic portrayal of pregnancy!!! The only thing missing was mention of the women who feel 'sexy' when they're pregnant.
Comment on 22nd Dec '06 @ 11:04 amThis comment is 1
Although the article is somewhat funny, it is also offensive. I am 6 weeks into my second pregnancy I have been nausiated for a couple of weeks now, but have not thrown up (as of yet). I know I suffered with morning sickness during the 1st trimester of my first pregnancy. Besides the morning sickness and UT infections I had a rather simple pregnancy and I was in my "skinny" jeans before we were released from the hospital. Although the first time was rather "easy" I don't expect the second to be as simple. Why would my advice be any less truthfull than someone who had a "difficult" pregnancy? Why would I be any less worthly of being a friend just because I could fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans?
Comment on 15th Jan '07 @ 12:26 pmThis comment is 1
FINALLY!! someone said it. albit a little different. though i never had morning sickness with 1 or 2 it's killing me like revenge with 3. AND just so that #18 Amanda knows... skinny girls can't be trusted. When you have a baby and you need that 1st year in sweats, then come and talk to me. Cause the skinny girls and thier skinny jeans make you feel bad. And some men wonder... why can't you loose it like her... and no woman that has just had a baby wants to invite that kind of thought about themselves... so SUCK IT UP!! and just so that you know... having morning sickness and such, doesn't make your preganacy a 'difficult' one, if you really want to know what 'difficult' is, ask you OB!
Comment on 21st Jan '07 @ 9:02 amThis comment is 1
i love what the sarcastic journalist wrote!!! However i never had morning sickeness for either of my previous pregnancies, but i sure as heck didn't fit into my skinny jeans haha. I gained 45 lbs my first pregnancy, and 50 lbs my 2nd. Took me a year to lose the weight for both...now my kudos goes to KATE who wrote the comment just before me. She knows EXACTLY what a pregnant lady thinks haha. I'm with you all the way
Comment on 30th Jan '07 @ 3:07 pmThis comment is 1
First let me say...I think this article was terribly funny! I've not had morning sicknes (yet). This is week six for me. I don't think that some should take this as being offensive...it's only meant to be funny, and to uplift those of us who only dream of skinny jeans and to those who came out of the hospital in their skinny jeans - just to make you feel good. There is a thing about sarcasm...sarcasm is wit, but funnier. Between my rollercoaster emotions, complete lack of functional intestines (constipation), and general irritability...I'm glad someone can take a unique perspective and make it something that brightens my day. Smile, y'all, we're havin' a baby! :D
Comment on 31st Jan '07 @ 8:40 amThis comment is 1
i dont throw up and i dont gain much weight and im 26 and the same size i was in high school(7) 6 wks into my third pregnancy. im a fabulous, trustworthy, skinny, pretty lady. i feel sorry for people who are so jelous of people like me they tell people not to trust me. what is that??
Comment on 2nd Feb '07 @ 1:33 pmThis comment is 1
props to u lisa.... i will be your friend.... i am a very loyal, trustworthy person myself who has been blessed w/ easy pregnancies.... i am 28 and preggo w/ my third... i only gained 17 w/ my oldest daughter and she was a 7 1/2 of it.... i actually weighed less one week after her birth than BEFORE i got pregnant... i only gained 26 pounds w/ my second daughter and she was 9 of it...again weighed less a week later than before i got preg... put down the formula and breast feed people, it burns mad calories!!! i also had simple breezy labor and deliveries... these do not make me a bad person... w/ the exception of morning sickness (i do not believe that can be controlled) some of these problems ARE brought on by the woman... i watch baby programs on tv all the time where women are having terrible labors and deliveries... to them i say... don't fight the contractions and when its time to push for the love of God, PUSH!! poop on the kid if ya have to... i do not feel sorry for any woman who won't push her kid out especially if she has had an epidural... there is NO PAIN after an epidural... anyone who tells u that just wants some attention and they are lying
Comment on 3rd Feb '07 @ 2:59 pmThis comment is 1
thanks allison. good luck to you and your baby!!
Comment on 3rd Feb '07 @ 9:27 pmThis comment is 1
Why is it that every woman on the planet asks you if you've tried crackers? I've been throwing up every day since week 4 (I'm 14 weeks now). Don't ya think crackers are one of the first things I tried? Good heavens... I am already tired of people's advice, and I have 26 weeks to go!
Comment on 15th Feb '07 @ 3:05 pmThis comment is 1
Umm does anyone have a pin to pop lisa's ego inflated head. granted it is a little mean spirited to say don't trust a skinny woman;this is just a forum for women to express the ugly side of pregnancy and to have a laugh (you know comic relief). you had an easy pregnancy congratulations to you. realize that not everyone is going to be thrilled when you tell them how fabulous your pregnancy was(especially when theirs isn't going so well).
Comment on 15th Feb '07 @ 5:27 pmThis comment is 1
yes I looked like the back of a bus when I had my first child and didnt enjoy the metamorphasis from slim and nubile to large and waddling one little bit! Am not looking forward to it second time round either as I have a heavier starting point! The end result is worth it though but it does take a toll on self confidence so humour is a necessary ingredient throughout pregnancy - if you are big I suggest you avoid those "skinny just a bump" types and hang out with fellow "side of house" types until you have delivered and started back at the gym......... have fun and be healthyxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Comment on 7th Mar '07 @ 1:06 amThis comment is 1
I think women who say their pregnancys were perfect forgot about any pain and problems they had once they held their baby. I know I thought the same way and my husband reminded me of how much pain I was in and the morning sickness. It all comes back to haunt you eventually.
Comment on 15th Mar '07 @ 6:24 pmThis comment is 1
OK..it was funny but I was that woman!!!! First pregnancy.... gained 65+ lbs and was 10 lbs under my starting weight at 6 wks postpartum. I had a 3 1/2 hour labor with no pain and he slept through the night from that first night.... Hate me? I did know gas from fetal movement (promise)...and I did climb a 100 foot tower the day before I had my son (that's what started the labor) and that was only my first... Second was twins. Induced 3 1/2 weeks early by just breaking water, and 8 hours of painfree labor. You will be happy to know it took about 4 weeks until he slept through the night. Now baby #4...was my easiest. Midwife said lets have a baby today... I said sure. She broke my water and we took bets on how long it would take. I won. 3 hours 4 minutes, tiny painless contractions and there she was... Less than a week later she was sleeping through the night. After each of my kids I got thinner and thinner. After my daughter I was in my jeans in a week, and I had gained 54 lbs with her.
Comment on 23rd Mar '07 @ 1:53 pmThis comment is 1
Oh... forgot to mention. I am now 43 and pregnant with my 5th. I am sure I won't be so lucky this time around. My oldest is 20 and my current youngest is 15.
Comment on 23rd Mar '07 @ 1:57 pmThis comment is 1
Really funny article - although hopefully not accurate - I am pregnant with my very FIRST baby in November (keep your fingers crossed) after trying for way too many years! (I have the best RE!) I have the miracle of life syndrome - I'll admit it! So far no morning sickness or nastiness except my sinuses are in serious overdrive - but I have decided that I want to appreciate my pregnancy - I may not like parts of it (I'm sure I won't!) but I want to try to appreciate it for what it is - my body changing because it's FINALLY carrying a baby - so run away ladies! Here I come - already wearing my sweat pants - why should that change??? And by the way - I haven't fit into "skinny" jeans since I was in my early twenties!
Comment on 23rd Mar '07 @ 9:22 pmThis comment is 1
If you are offended by this article, never, ever read the book "Pregnancy Sucks...When Your Miracle Makes You Miserable" I found this article hilarious. I had a HORRIBLE first successful pregnancy. I had 13 m/c, then FINALLY got one to stick. I wa sick the ENTIRE time, only gained 17 lbs, had preterm labor from 20 weeks on, got preeclampisa, and had an emergency C-section at 34 weeks. It was a NIGTHMARE! However, I can laugh about it now. Stasha was healthy, I am currently six weeks along with another planned pregnancy...and it is going so much better!
Comment on 29th Mar '07 @ 6:56 pmThis comment is 1
I will say, I AM one of those women, despite it all, that feels sexier while pregnant. It is the one time in my life that my belly, while not flat, is TIGHT LOL
Comment on 29th Mar '07 @ 7:00 pmThis comment is 1
First let me say that I LOVE the sarcastic journalist. Second, most pregnancies/labor/deliveries/child rearing range somewhere between the two extremes sited in this article. Third, EVERYONE is different, and therefore their experiences in life are different and thank God for it! Life would be unbearable if we didn't have these petty differences for us to argue over. And lastly, to Lisa and Allason I hope you two become long lasting friends because I don't trust either of you as far as my 27 year old 24 week pregnant self can throw either of your skinny butts!
And by the way- definition of sarcasm:
–noun 1. harsh or bitter derision or irony.
2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark: a review full of sarcasms.
3.A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.
Comment on 3rd Apr '07 @ 2:55 pmThis comment is 1
Hi guys! Here I am in my 17th week and I have still gained only 3 lbs. and have graduated to my "fat jeans" (size 9 jrs). However, I'm still just as trustworthy as ever! And, mindy, does your doctor know you are throwing people at 24 weeks? That sounds like a recipe for pre-term labor...
I still feel sorry for all of the angry bitter women out there. Just remember, you are creating life, get over yourselves and get happy!
Comment on 5th Apr '07 @ 3:17 pmThis comment is 1
I'm not pregnant, and I don't intend to be anytime soon (although I'm not really the one in charge of the whole 'when' thing anyway, am I?). However, my best friend IS pregnant, at 19, with her first child, which is why I'm here (I'm the aunt from the father's side).
My highschool (because yes, she and I are 06 graduates) was FILLED with young women exactly like that in the article. They glowed, they floated, they had the baby over the weekend and showed up in their regular size 3 jeans on Monday. It's loathesome, really, when you see all the other, older, more mature women who have been trying so hard become so miserable when they finally concieve...
But this was great, especially for someone who isn't there yet, but has seen both sides.
Comment on 6th Apr '07 @ 10:25 pmThis comment is 1
I love it! I'm pregnant with my second child (3rd pregnancy) and, like shanny80, although I never throw-up, I am constantly, horrifically and debilitatingly nauseous.
My first, although born extremely healthy, picked up a germ in hospital that made her very ill and almost constantly screaming in pain for the first few months, and so my initial experience of having a baby was not the greatest, to say the least. I have to say that, if it weren't for a handful of "SMUG MOMS", I may have felt a bit less inadequate. So this article rings very true for me, not because there's anything wrong with fitting back into your jeans very quickly or having an easy baby, but because of the judgement that many of these smug moms pass (and have for decades) on those of us who do not have an easy time, as if we're doing something wrong.
So don't take this article personally - it is true for some, but maybe not for you. And if you're not one of these moms, it's thanks to your empathy and lack of judgement for those who have not been as lucky as you.
Comment on 11th Apr '07 @ 8:18 amThis comment is 1
Pregnancy IS something to cherish every little moment. My husband and I miscarried our first and tried for a year with our second (I am currently six weeks pregnant with). Getting pregnant is not something that comes easy to everyone. Those are the people you might want to consider being friends with. It might make you appreciate your little miracle a little more if you aren't feeling so appreciative at the moment.
Comment on 13th Apr '07 @ 9:47 pmThis comment is 1
I loved this article. I''m six weeks and I have the typical morning sickness, but have only vomited a couple of times so far. The women I know who didn't have morning sickness(few and far between) chalk it up to being extremely blessed.
About the first time baby sleeping through the night: My mom always says that I was the lamb and My younger brother was the goat. All of you second time moms with a lamb, be prepared for the goat!
Comment on 26th Apr '07 @ 10:30 amThis comment is 1
LMAO and soooo true! I'm with Marissa that this article is not meant to offend, but to give struggling women something to laugh about. If you don't get that, read the author's title: The Sarcastic Journalist. That's the whole point.
It's not the women with the easy "perfect" preganancies that are the problem. It's the ones that act holier than thou about it, like your only problem is that you aren't handling it well. Every pregnancy is different, but that doesn't mean the mothers that are throwing up ten times a day are doing something wrong. When I was pregnant with my son, and missing tons of work because of the morning sickness, someone told me it's all in your mind - and she's never had kids!!! These people should not be allowed to speak to pregnant women at all. I'm now at six weeks with my second and hoping for a lot less nausea this time around. I won't take it as a sign I'm handling it any better though, just that I'm a lot luckier this time!
Comment on 14th May '07 @ 9:07 pmThis comment is 1
I totally disagree with this article. Every word of it disgusts me.
You seem to be a pretty negative person. and i hate this article. I think it makes you look like you're trying to say that optimistic mothers are bullsh*t.
Comment on 19th May '07 @ 11:15 pmThis comment is 1
This article is genius. I was in shape, working out everyday and eating healthy. Then pregnancy hit. At 6 wks. I couldn't move an inch without gagging or vomiting. I got so tired of the cracker suggestion. I don't know how people couldn't see it was beyond that. I was active and healthy and now suddenly I wasn't. I didn't just decide to sit around and be sick once I became pregnant. This lasted a horrifying 9 months. Nothing glorious about it....and I am an optimist.
Comment on 27th May '07 @ 1:48 amThis comment is 1
Wow you know the more of these I read the funnier it gets to see all the hormones go flying! I was extreamly lucky with my first pregnancy...it was for lack of a better term perfect! I didn't have a lick of morning sickness and gained exactly the pre-recomended 30 lbs by my doc. I was in labor for 6 hours, never felt a thing and pushed 3 times to have the doc. deliver my 7lb 5 oz baby boy. A week later I was in my pre-preggy clothes. This time I think its called revenge of the not so lucky girls. I have had morning sickness since day 1 I swear! And if my mother has anything to say about it there will not be a fast labor and delivery. She hated me for my stress free delivery the first time (her exact words were "You cheated") So I expect if the sickness and misery I'm in this time is any indecation of what is in store for me you'll get your revenge mom!
Comment on 6th Jun '07 @ 12:23 pmThis comment is 1
To Jennifer and Nikol---blah blah blah blah blah! LOL
Nobody hates you (much) for having a beautiful experience, but trust me: most women will find this hilarious and feel better about NOT feeling "magical". Keep an open mind, will ya?
Comment on 3rd Jul '07 @ 2:54 pmThis comment is 1
I think it is sad that people seem to read this and feel nothing but resentment. she made this be sarcastic and fun. I am optomistic and this made me feel a little bit better. i am 20 and pregnant with my first. i have been unable to keep food down. i was put on medicine so i wouldn't have an early birth and I am only 14 weeks along but ! am happy and look forward to my remaining time. the only time i feel sexy is when my husband makes me feel that way.
Comment on 6th Jul '07 @ 6:24 pmThis comment is 1
I think it is sad that people seem to read this and feel nothing but resentment. she made this be sarcastic and fun. I am optomistic and this made me feel a little bit better. i am 20 and pregnant with my first. i have been unable to keep food down. i was put on medicine so i wouldn't have an early birth and I am only 14 weeks along but ! am happy and look forward to my remaining time. the only time i feel sexy is when my husband makes me feel that way.
Comment on 6th Jul '07 @ 6:30 pmThis comment is 1
I think it is sad that people seem to read this and feel nothing but resentment. she made this be sarcastic and fun. I am optomistic and this made me feel a little bit better. i am 20 and pregnant with my first. i have been unable to keep food down. i was put on medicine so i wouldn't have an early birth and I am only 14 weeks along but ! am happy and look forward to my remaining time. the only time i feel sexy is when my husband makes me feel that way.
Comment on 6th Jul '07 @ 6:30 pmThis comment is 1
I loved this because I just know I'm going to be one who has to pull over to puke and will probably go home wishing I had a 50lb. baby... I'm only about 4 1/2 wks pregnant and I had barbeque chicken wings(?) for breakfast people! I love seeing the "normal" side of things and realizing hey, I have a kik butt excuse if I don't the smile and cheer of Vanna White and look like a Victoria's Secret model... I think because of this I'll feel a lot more secure settling for just Victoria's Secret sweats!!
Comment on 9th Jul '07 @ 6:31 pmThis comment is 1
*kick but excuse if i don't have the...
Comment on 9th Jul '07 @ 6:33 pmThis comment is 1
I LOVED this article!! I am on my 3rd pregnancy and have been exposed and friendly with plenty of pregnant women.. While I know that the easy pregnancy having woman along with easy labor AND easy baby is not common.. it does exist and whiloe I;m happy for those few women, this article still ROCKS!!
Comment on 11th Jul '07 @ 7:52 amThis comment is 1
I hope they don't pay this person, because these articles are awful.
Comment on 11th Jul '07 @ 2:13 pmThis comment is 1
So many of you are MISSING THE POINT!!! The purpose of this series of articles is a funny, exaggerated look at pregnancy. So go whine somewhere else. If you can't laugh at the maladies of pregnancy, you're not going to come through it very well. To those who find these articles to be offensive, you definitely should not read Vicki Iovine's The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy. You'll really have a fit.
Comment on 17th Jul '07 @ 10:12 amThis comment is 1
Oh My god you cannot stop your self from morning sickness what a bunch of dreams!!!!!!!! I found out im 6 weeks and I was sick 1 day and thought it would be a peice of cake I feel so sick now HELP
Comment on 28th Jul '07 @ 1:38 amThis comment is 1
haha-so funny;p I am that girl you are talking about but I am not braggy. If someone asks how I am doing I do say I feel great! However, I do not think that morning sickness is a state of mind, who would WANT to be sick?! Some of us just get lucky:) Don't hate me because of it:( We still can be friends:):):) I'll hold your hair while your getting sick and I'll wear my sweats instead of my skinny jeans if it makes you feel better;p Hugs!!
Comment on 1st Aug '07 @ 8:00 amThis comment is 1
I love this entry!!! It's ME I'm the girl that is happy all through pregancy doesnt hardly get sick and I had a super easy labor with my first child (5hours no meds),my son sleep all night long the first night home and I gained 37 pounds and lost 47... now so far with this pregancy everything has been going great too... I told tell you all this to brag I just really go love the miracle of expecting the whole thing even gaining the weight!!! On the other hand though I don't feel it's a mind thing about getting sick even though my husband tryed telling me that with my first child, man they don't know anything!!! :) haha
Comment on 28th Aug '07 @ 10:38 amThis comment is 1
I meant to say that I told you all this NOT TO BRAG sorry about that everyone!!!!
Comment on 28th Aug '07 @ 10:40 amThis comment is 1
I read the article and these is my first baby. i think i'm doing great, because i din't have my first morning sickness yet. i'm very sleepy that's all that i want to do si sleep and my eating is not so bad i eat normal somethimes i want special treats and that's it. if any one had more experiences please let me know anything thanks...
Comment on 3rd Sep '07 @ 3:48 pmThis comment is 1
my boobs are hurting like crazy and my strech marks are getting wider help please? hey does anyone knows if the baby is suppost to move yet? like i said this is my first pregnancy and i don't know anything about it. another question are suppost to feel cramps too? because it hurst sometimes?
Comment on 3rd Sep '07 @ 3:53 pmThis comment is 1
nice article. I can empathize either way. With my first, I was one of the lucky few who never had any bouts of morning sickness, save a few times when I felt slightly carsick. This did not surprise me much since I was never one to get seasick either. I certainly don't think it was anything I had control over though. Unfortunately, most of my pregnancy discomforts have plagued me more after giving birth - stress incontinence, chronic neck and back pain, varicose veins, hair loss, overall lethargy and not feeling as healthy and in shape as I used to be. It took me 2 years to lose 10 of the 20 pounds I gained, and 1 week to put it back on after conceiving my second child. I am 6 weeks along and no sign of morning sickness, but I won't be surprised at all if I feel yucky tomorrow....
Comment on 10th Sep '07 @ 9:25 amThis comment is 1
It's true! I have already ran into THAT woman. And what's worse is I work with her so I can't get away from her! She is always on about how her breasts never hurt and how she never got sick with either of her son's blah blah blah and how she was never tired. Oh and did I mention it was 22 years ago?
Comment on 14th Sep '07 @ 5:29 amThis comment is 1
I totally agree morning sickness isn't a state of mind. My husband wouldn't agree. I am seven weeks and 5 days and have been over the toilet sick since about a week and a half after conception. He told me Sat. if you don't mind it doesn't matter. I could have slapped him and then last night. I was over the golden throne again and he said, "Well you just don't need to eat anymore if you aren't going to keep it down... He is sleeping on the couch. I told him to get pregnant and then talk to me. After many miscarriages (and none of them with me being sick ever) I am happy to being going through this has the dear Dr. says it is a good sign of a healthy pregnancy. If that is the case then I will throw up all nine months if need be and will accept it with gladness if it means a healthy pregnancy and a baby at the end.
Comment on 9th Oct '07 @ 2:21 amThis comment is 1
I somewhat disagree with this article. My first pregnant was AMAZING. I had morning sicknedd for 5 days in a row, then never again. I never had Braxton Hicks. I never went to the hospital, other than my water breaking at 8 in the morning. I went through 14 hours of labor, with an epidural and demoral, so I slept through the ENTIRE thing. The doctors woke me up to push, but I kept falling asleep. I felt nothing when I pushed my daughter, save for some pressure. My daughter slept the night through after about a month, and I was wearing size 3 jeans about 2 months after I had my daughter. However, I wasn't all "Oh I had a gas pain! How wonderful! What a miracle!" I most certainly wasn't that happy. I was moody from time to time and suffed my face. I gained 46 pounds. Now I am 4 weeks pregnant again, and I have experienced frequent, but mild, nausea and headaches. Anyways, I don't know where I am going with this, I just think that despite it being sarcastic, a woman can't help if she has an easy pregnany or not. Although I do agree: Stay away from the women who are excited to has gas pains and hemmorhoids. They just might need help. =)
Comment on 10th Oct '07 @ 9:14 amThis comment is 1
that was bloody brilliant. my sentiments exactly. lol
Comment on 28th Nov '07 @ 3:38 pmThis comment is 1
Well I was one of those lucky women with my first pregnancy no morning sickness but I did gain a lot of weight from those lovely potatos and sour cream. I also did not have a fun labor and delivery I got in too late they poked me 7 times trying to get an IV in and to top it all of I had to do it all natural (which I for sure did not intend to do) Well now with this one I'm tired all the time grouchy and just feel run down. I don't have morning sickness but I do get nauseted*sp* in the mornings as long as I eat something I do ok. I have had to do the stupid glocuse testing twice now my third time is coming up in about 2 weeks (when I'm 21 weeks). I've thrown up the last 2 times because I had nothing to eat for 10 hours and they expect me to fast then drink this sugary stuff in 5 mins and be all fine. Anyway I don't love love being pregnant but what we get in the end makes it allw orth it.
Comment on 10th Dec '07 @ 4:34 pmThis comment is 1
I have totally been pegged with the “Miracle of Life Syndrome.” LOL! It was a great article. Definitely not taken offensively by me :) I am all about the power of positive thinking... if you think it you can do it. So if you are expecting m/s than you more than likely will have it. But even if you are thinking positive, God still has a plan... and it will knock you on your butt sometimes. But thinking positive about it helps you get through it that much more gracefully. Don't run far away from those other positive thinkers around you.... they still need support and praise, just like you do - and they will definitely offer it in return :) And SMILE when you don't feel good.... think about the wonderful thing happening to your body and your life!!
Comment on 19th Dec '07 @ 7:36 amThis comment is 1
This is so freaking funny. Some of you women that find it disgusting need to get a clue and a sense of humor. LOL.
My first was text book. Gained 16 lbs. Weighed less after 2 weeks than I did before pregnancy. But I was never the same shape. And from about 4 weeks on my baby screamed EVERY night for 2 months straight before we figured out what was setting her off.
My second one I gained 32 lbs and really haven't lost much...I've lost and gained that same amount two or three times in the 2 1/2 yrs since her birth.
I'm now on my 3rd. and though I still don't have morning sickness besides the carsickness I'm fine. Like always.
The problem isn't with women fitting in the pre-pregnancy pants right before they leave the hospital or with the woman whose never had a lick of morning sickness. The problem is that some of those people will judge you and imply that you just aren't as good as they because you can't claim the same. No not all women that lose all the weight quickly act like that but some do...and those people are just not people I want to be friends with.
Comment on 19th Dec '07 @ 8:45 amThis comment is 1
I agree with Sandra. I also don't want to be friends with someone who thinks like that. I have 5 sisters in law that all have different opinions on morning sickness. I think that positive thinking might get you as for as the bathroom doorway. Sometimes it jsut happens. It's not like it's something that you can control with your thinking. With my second I got so sick that I had to get a prescripiton for pills to help me quit throwing up. Good luck everyone. God Bless!
Comment on 4th Jan '08 @ 2:32 pmThis comment is 1
Oh man, this one is hilarious. I love pregnancy, but I'm definitely not going to sugar coat it for anyone. Gas pains and hemorrhoids are definitely not any fun. :P
Comment on 26th Jan '08 @ 11:27 amThis comment is 1
You go girl!!! Amen :)
Comment on 6th Feb '08 @ 9:38 amThis comment is 1
I loved this article, even though I'm one of the lucky ones. With my first pregnancy, Andrew, I didn't have one day of nausea or morning sickness. The pregnancy was pretty easy on me. I gained about 28 pounds. I looked huge because I am only about 5'2", and he extended straight out. I now have some killer stretch marks, and the lovely doughy skin that accompanies a hollowed out tummy. But you know what? I EARNED those stretch marks. I ate well, took vitamins, and was the model pregnant mommy. I lost 23 pounds in the week following my son's birth. I have kept that other five pounds on, and I love it. Yes, I was able to wear my skinny jeans again, but it isn't something I rub in to my friends. I trust skinny people- just not the ones who rub it in or brag about how thin they are. Every woman is different, and we all need varying lengths of time to recooperate. It isn't a race!
Comment on 2nd Mar '08 @ 5:59 pmThis comment is 1
LMAO!!!! SO VERY VERY TRUE>> THANKS FOR THE LAUGH, LOVE PAJAMAS
Comment on 11th Mar '08 @ 2:34 pmThis comment is 1
This is so true. It's so annoying when people keep telling you to try this home remedy or that one. None of them helped. Sorry. When you can't eat anything and the thought of eating makes you even sicker, chicken noodle soup isn't going to help. A friend did tell me to try something her doctor told her, half of a uniasom and a b6 tablet. That actually helps, for the most part. The other types of people who have it so easy, lucky them, but stay away form me.
Comment on 12th Mar '08 @ 9:14 pmThis comment is 1
hahahahhaha oh lord.
I havent had morning sickness, constipation, OR hemmorrhoids... or even heartburn.. just dizziness...
Comment on 19th Mar '08 @ 10:51 amThis comment is 1
This is soo funny!! I didn't see it as an insult but as a way to get people to laugh. I had severe morning sickness with my first and with this one Im 6 weeks and already feeling like Im going to vomit every minute of the day. I actually had someone tell me that it was all the power of the mind and if I thought positive I would be better. I got a good laugh when she got pregnant a couple months later and was sick all the time but I kept it to myself. Heres a hint for people who have never had kids, keep your advice to yourself.
Comment on 25th Mar '08 @ 10:42 pmThis comment is 1
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Comment on 2nd Apr '08 @ 9:30 pmThis comment is 1
I loved this article. I throw up and gain weight- how that happens I have no idea.
I've had friends like this- one woman in particular who has extremely easy pregnancies and labors and manages to lose the weight almost immediately postpartum. She just does not understand, and she takes it as some sort of moral superiority that she can have seven home births, no miscarriages, and still look like she's never been pregnant.
Comment on 28th Apr '08 @ 9:05 amThis comment is 1
My sister-n-law and I were three months apart. I was excited and blessed to have no morning sickness with my first, or any other symptoms. I was never even grouchy (6 weeks into my second and lucky so far). I felt amazing, while my new little sister was completely miserable.
She carried two days over and they took her baby cesarean. She was wearing her size 1 jeans the next week. She never got any stretch marks.
My baby was two weeks late, I had to make the "special" OB visit and monitor the baby every other day after my due-date. She still wasn't ready to come out, so I had to be induced. 23 hours later, my little girl was born. The delivery itself was the easiest 5 minutes of my life. I was so numb that I actually started laughing at the nurses encouragement- "You're such a good pusher."
I still don't fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans (never lost that 15 lbs), my stretch marks (I call them my 'love scars') look like I've been mauled by many tiny cats and I am a little jealous of my sister's tiny size, but I still adore her.
I look at it this way- when I see skinny women with babies, I just think of it as magic. Where did they keep theirs?
Comment on 14th May '08 @ 9:29 pmThis comment is 1
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