Breeders Ahoy!

When you’re trying to get pregnant, every little twinge signals an obvious pregnancy. That’s why it’s important to stock up in home pregnancy tests. If your husband is, say, Donald Trump, keeping a closet full of the tests isn’t that big a deal. If you don’t have all that money?

Try the Dollar Store.

Nothing says “Breeder” quite like standing in line at the Dollar Store, a wiggly baby in the stroller and a basket full of pregnancy tests. For me, there was shame involved in buying my tests at a store that sold deodorant in a box written in Arabic.

Taking pregnancy tests had become my new hobby and I couldn’t exactly take one every day at normal prices. That’s why I stocked up on the brand where you had to furnish your own cup to pee in! They’re cheap! You could take one every hour, on the hour!

Even though they’re also shopping at the Dollar Store, the other patrons tend to give you “The Look” when they see you sporting your goods. That’s why I tried to keep mine hidden. I didn’t feel like explaining my reproductive choices to people buying a 12-pack of toilet paper for $.99.