The Sarcastic Journalist is a freelance writer and mother of two living near Houston, Texas. She has a degree in journalism and an addiction to magazines. She is hoping never to experience the "joy" of pregnancy again. You can find much more of her home-grown snark at: shenuts.com
In addition to recounting 40 not-so-glowing but hilarious weeks of her pregnancy for our pregnancy calendar the Sarcastic Journalist used her sarcasm super-powers to help make our new edgy sarcastic pregnancy tickers. Check 'em out!
Week 4 : Breeders Ahoy!
When you’re trying to get pregnant, every little twinge signals an obvious pregnancy. That’s why it’s important to stock up in home pregnancy tests. If your husband is, say, Donald Trump, keeping a closet full of the tests isn’t that big a deal. If you don’t have all that money?
Try the Dollar Store.
Nothing says “Breeder” quite like standing in line at the Dollar Store, a wiggly baby in the stroller and a basket full of pregnancy tests. For me, there was shame involved in buying my tests at a store that sold deodorant in a box written in Arabic.
Taking pregnancy tests had become my new hobby and I couldn’t exactly take one every day at normal prices. That’s why I stocked up on the brand where you had to furnish your own cup to pee in! They’re cheap! You could take one every hour, on the hour!
Even though they’re also shopping at the Dollar Store, the other patrons tend to give you “The Look” when they see you sporting your goods. That’s why I tried to keep mine hidden. I didn’t feel like explaining my reproductive choices to people buying a 12-pack of toilet paper for $.99.
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I swear by those dollar store tests. People at my job thought I was crazy. My boss kept saying your wasting alot of money on those tests. Compared to what I would have paid if I bought it in a regular store I think not. I saved my money for those when I got a positive result. Now everyone st my job is buying dollar store tests. Apparently being pregnant is contagious. Three women including me at my job are pregnant. And another one thinks they may be pregnant. It's gotta be in the water
Comment on 30th Sep '06 @ 8:00 pmThis comment is 1
I thought your article was hilarious, because I have been stocking up on tests at my local dollar store too, with my almost 3 yr old by my side!! and it paid off Im now 4 weeks pregnant!!!
Comment on 27th Nov '06 @ 5:37 pmThis comment is 1
Why is it so impossible to make everything?
Comment on 9th Dec '06 @ 1:32 amThis comment is 1
Can anyone make me a diabolo?
Comment on 12th Dec '06 @ 11:46 amThis comment is 1
the store brands are pretty cheap too!
Comment on 27th Dec '06 @ 7:05 amThis comment is 1
the dollar store test are accurate, they work just as well as the expensive ones. i have 2 children and 1 on the way-
Comment on 2nd Jan '07 @ 7:48 amThis comment is 1
I bought all of mine there because my husband said I was an obsessive test taker and that I would break us before I even got pregnant. It became an addiction! I would hide the test! Thank God for dollar stores!
Comment on 29th Jan '07 @ 3:10 pmThis comment is 1
LoL i just got back from buying one and saw this and know excatly how it feels i suspect i am pregnant but now to find out. i hate how everyone stares at you like your crazy or a slut. haha
Comment on 7th Feb '07 @ 11:00 amThis comment is 1
Thanks for the idea. I've been trying for a year and it's getting expensive!
Comment on 23rd Feb '07 @ 8:25 amThis comment is 1
I found pregnancy test on amazon.com of all places. There cheap and you don't have to go to a store and face the embarrassment of the clerk looking at you weird. I had a clerk once ask, "is this for you?" I was embarrassed.
Comment on 11th Mar '07 @ 9:16 amThis comment is 1
This sounds excatly like me. I took one test and it was positive but we ran to the dollar store and I took 3 more "just to be sure"!
Comment on 15th Mar '07 @ 6:20 pmThis comment is 1
People can knock those Dollar Tree tests all they want but they will never have a valid argument against me...LOL I have used those tests many times and THEY WORK!! I have discovered pregnancy with them! and hey, if you can pay $10-15 less and still get the same result, why wouldn't you give it a try??
Comment on 16th Mar '07 @ 4:01 pmThis comment is 1
You can get them cheap on eBay too..however, be careful..I got a bad batch that gave me false positives...was awful. Now I stick to the Dollar Store tests called "the Baby Test" The name cracks me up...and yes, they DID work when I WAS pregnant!
Comment on 29th Mar '07 @ 6:52 pmThis comment is 1
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Comment on 31st Mar '07 @ 12:02 pmThis comment is 1
My husband laughed when I bought ours last week at the dollar store. But to his surprise, baby #3 will be here in December..
Comment on 2nd Apr '07 @ 7:30 pmThis comment is 1
LOL! I bought my dollar store test yesterday and sure enough here comes baby #1. The guy at the counter flipped the box over, read it out loud and then said "UH OH!!!" The only thing i could think to say was "we've been trying for a while" but I of course got all red!!! What a jerk!
Comment on 3rd Apr '07 @ 6:06 amThis comment is 1
I trotted on up to the counter with my 10 month old on my hip with him holding a few and me holding the other 7. That's right, I bought 10 pregnancy tests for $10. I'm a surrogate though. But the look on her face was priceless. I asked her if I set the dollar store record. Uh huh....
Comment on 5th Apr '07 @ 2:59 pmThis comment is 1
I do not know how I got through 25 years of life with out knowing that the Dollar Store had pregnancy tests!! My best friend told me and I thought she was crazy! Then another friend told me the same thing. Sure enough, I go to our local dollar tree and there they were! I was skeptical at first, but apparently it was accurate. Baby # 1 will be here in December!!
Comment on 21st Apr '07 @ 9:14 amThis comment is 1
The first time I was prego, I took 9 test...like I thought the answer was going to change. Go you for doing the dollar store...I didn't even think of that. This time, I took one, and put the extra one under the sink.
Comment on 25th Apr '07 @ 7:47 pmThis comment is 1
Ha Ha, I thought I was pregnant, but I really didn't want to spend the money on a 'real' test. So I jumped on the bandwagon and bought two at the dollar store. I am. And my husband asked " Are you sure we can trust those things" :-)
Comment on 26th Apr '07 @ 2:02 pmThis comment is 1
I got a BFP @ 10dpo with the dollar store tests!!! And I was able to test a bunch of times after that as well just to make sure! I love them!!
Comment on 28th Apr '07 @ 6:57 pmThis comment is 1
Try early-pregnancy-tests.com
Doctor's office quality tests that start as cheap as 17 cents (yes i said that right) each. You can buy strips or the stick with the cap kind. And they are 2x's as sensitive that EPT. I just found I was pregnant by using these, three tests were all poitive, had no need to take the rest, and my period wasn't due for another week.
also try mymonthlycycles.com, very informative, and you can get all kinds of supplies at discount (even ovulation detection supplies).
Comment on 26th May '07 @ 9:27 pmThis comment is 1
I agree. The dollar store tests work. I bought 5 dollar store tests and two EPTs just to be safe when we started trying. Turns out the dollar store ones work just fine, I am almost 7 weeks along now!
Comment on 8th Jun '07 @ 6:06 amThis comment is 1
I too thought the dollar store test was very accurate and obviously, inexpensive ! I hope that more people find out about this option. And the big commercial brands stop ripping people off ! You go $$$ store !!
Comment on 10th Jun '07 @ 11:35 amThis comment is 1
Too funny-i thought i was the only person to hide a pt in the dollar store.
The past few mths i've bought 3 at a time- i was on the last test(about 5 days before my period)and i got a faint line. My husband insisted that i get a 'real' test-so i ran and got a $15 'early' pt-and that line was just as faint as my $1 'baby test'!!
it's worth it to stock up on them, esp. if you've been trying and want to test early-
Comment on 24th Jun '07 @ 9:54 pmThis comment is 1
I've been buying cheap preggy tests by the dozen for the past 10 months. I would start testing at least 3 days before my period would be due. At last I got four positive results. I stay in South Africa, so we don't have a dollar store, but found a cheap pharmacy instead. Yeah, i agree, people do look at you funny. The last time I bought four tests at once and the lady just stared at me in disbelief. Glad to hear I wasn't the only home-test addict.
Comment on 26th Jun '07 @ 7:23 amThis comment is 1
I'm a Dollar-Store tester, too! With my first baby, I wasted a lot of money on "those other brands" while TTC. Then I found out (with baby #2) that the Baby Test at the Dollar stores require the SAME level of HgC (or whatever) hormone as First Response and EPT!! I found out a week EARLY with babies #2 and #3 and 2 days early with current baby #4 (5 weeks today) with DOLLAR STORE TESTS!
Comment on 23rd Jul '07 @ 6:34 pmThis comment is 1
Oh my goodness, you just described me completely! With my first pregnancy, I swear I must have spent a good $75 on tests. I got so many negatives (even though I was pregnant) and by the time I finally got a positive, I was already going on 3 months. This time, I didn't have any feeling that I was pregnant, but was at the Dollar Store and figured it would be good to have a couple to keep under the sink. I got home and took one for the hell of it and sure enough I got a positive before even missing my period! Doubtful, I took the other and got the same answer. I still couldn't believe it and went to the doctor the next week thinking I got false positives because of cheap tests, but sure enough, I was pregnant!!! I now swear by these things!
Comment on 25th Jul '07 @ 4:04 amThis comment is 1
I love the Dollar Tree Tests. I've used them for both babies #2 and #3. I know some people laugh, but they're cheap and they work just as well, if not better than other tests out there. I've gotten a + result as early as 11 dpo!
Comment on 1st Aug '07 @ 6:27 amThis comment is 1
A bit off-topic, but why is it shameful in America to see products with Arabic on them? It's a GLOBAL market people, get used to it! I find it funny how it seems like most Coca-Cola for sale at newsagent's and other small shops in the UK, is imported. Doesn't bother me though, apart from perhaps wondering about the exploitative nature of these big multinational corporations...
Oh, and how many on this site have considered adoption? I have my worries about overpopulation and increasing infant death rates... At least I'm not as cynical and cold-hearted as my dad though pretends to be though -- he keeps saying that most criminals should be sterilised and "most people in developing countries should be left to die, because they breed like flies and in some places, animals are respected more than humans"...
Comment on 13th Aug '07 @ 8:06 pmThis comment is 1
I have never gone to the dollar store to get them, but I may just have to check it out. I have spent so much on tests thinking I was pregnant. I would always buy the double packs to take both just to make sure the test were right! I will have to go check out the ones at the dollar store. I think I may be prego!
Comment on 22nd Aug '07 @ 2:44 pmThis comment is 1
Those tests are as accurate as the expensive ones and are totally cheap. they work too. Thanks for spreading the word
Comment on 24th Aug '07 @ 9:05 pmThis comment is 1
I LOVE DOLLAR STORE TESTS!!! THEY ARE CHEAP AND REALLY WORK!!! DON'T SPEND THE BIG MONEY ON THE OTHER TESTS!!!I didn't think they worked before so for my first preganany we got the expense ones twice just to make sure. But I tryed the cheap ones this time, actually I bought 3 because I get so excited when I get that double line; you have to experience more then once and why not do it with a test that cost a dollar!!!
Comment on 28th Aug '07 @ 10:20 amThis comment is 1
I am definitely going to try out these dollar store pregnancy tests before I spend tons of money on the 'real' tests!
Comment on 28th Aug '07 @ 2:53 pmThis comment is 1
I took 2 cheap test and they said "negative" so I broke down and bought the digital one...THAT one said PREGGO!! I think it depends on the woman and how far along she is (I am 4 weeks)...I think that the farther along you are the more likely the cheap test are able to detect it. Just my 2 cents. :)
Comment on 2nd Sep '07 @ 7:42 pmThis comment is 1
I just took one of the dollar store tests and it says positive and I also got another just in case but like the clearblue test that says pregnant and not pregnant to use in the scrapbook page for my boyfriends first baby (not mine) and can't decide if its worth the 15 bucks its going to cost me for it. I heard there is a place that will take your positive test and frame it or put it in a memory book or something but cant remember where I saw it lol. Good luck to all those wanting to be pregnant and Congrats to all those that already are. If my calculations are correct im due may 18th.
Comment on 9th Sep '07 @ 3:40 pmThis comment is 1
That's how I found out! Good old dollar store tests...
Comment on 22nd Sep '07 @ 10:19 amThis comment is 1
Great story! Thanks for the laugh! I did the same thing. I stocked up on the $ Tree ones and when they showed positive I used the good CBE one that said "PREGNANT"!
Comment on 26th Sep '07 @ 11:27 amThis comment is 1
I totally believe in Dollar Store PT's~ had heard of them till Aug. On Sept 15 (day AF should have reared her ugly head) I tested with the Dollar Store test. (late afternoon) It showed a faint second line. I went and bought two more...LOL for Sunday.. Monday I called the Dr and he couldn't see me till Thur. I am considered high risk due to multiple miscarriages. So on MondayI bought 7 more, I tested morning and evening to be sure at the start of the day I was pregnant and by the end of the day I tested again to be sure that I hadn't overworked myself. The OB told me to quit wasting my money... I was PREGGERS. I will be 8 week on Wed. DH, thinks I should own stock in the Dollar Store and in PTs
Comment on 9th Oct '07 @ 2:13 amThis comment is 1
Lucky to find you, keep on the good workk guys! Best of luck.
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How funny this is!! I did exactly the same thing- though I had no shame!! I filled my cart and took a test every day for almost 14 days!! These tests work!! I am preggers for the first time!!! WOOHOO.
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As both a compulsive pee on a stick addict and a health care professional I can tell you that these tests are some of the bests! Pregnancy tests only cost pennies to make but they mark them up so high! I actually purchase these to use in my doctors office and I get more early positives with them than I do medical issued urine tests. Another good thing is that you dont end up charging a patient $20 for a silly urine test when the could have bought one for less. Anyway, as I said I stand by them. I have 3 children and I am pregnant with my 4th, they have always worked for me, usually before I was due for AF!
Comment on 11th Feb '08 @ 2:43 pmThis comment is 1
omg I totally stock up on the dollar store tests!! and I buy a bunch of other random stuff and grab those last like hey why not. ;o)im sure it doesn't fool anyone.
Comment on 12th Feb '08 @ 8:50 amThis comment is 1
i agree 100% honestly with my first 2 kids i was very hesitant about the dollar store test. but now i went and took one and it was negative then a week later i take another and got 2 lines!!! yes they work just like the others!! if only i knew with my first 2 LOL!!!
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