What a sweet little tumor!

I’ve always made it a rule of thumb not to assume a lady is pregnant unless I see a baby emerging right then and there. Why? You never know when you could be wrong.

For example, one time I went with a heavily pregnant friend to Starbucks. The barista asked my friend if she was pregnant. “No,” I said, sarcastically. “It's just a really big tumor.”

“I had a stomach tumor once that made me look six months pregnant,” she retorted, effectively ruining my joke.

Open mouth, insert foot.

So, it shouldn’t have been a surprise to me that some people wouldn’t acknowledge my pregnancy to me. It seems like they’d go out of their way to have to ask if I was pregnant.

“Would you like some wine to start your meal,” the waiter would ask.

“Is there anything I can help you find,” asked the Victoria’s Secret saleswoman.

“Prenatal massage? You’re pregnant?” asked the masseuse.

“No, it’s just a tumor but I like to pretend its my baby,” I felt like snarking back.

That’s why there is such an industry for those “Baby!” t-shirts. Getting the “is she or isn’t she” looks is tiring. Sometimes you just want to look at someone and say “Yes, I’m knocked up. What are you going to do about it?”