Breast mother EVER!

I never intended to breastfeed my children. To be perfectly honest, breastfeeding seemed incredibly gross. Why would I ever want to put a baby to the old “fun bag?” Well, the cost of formula, not to mention the health benefits, convinced me to at least give it a try.

Many women, much like myself, decide to go to a breastfeeding basics class before having a baby. The only problem with these classes is that explaining to someone how to breastfeed a baby is kind of like explaining how to ride a bike. Think of it; what would you say to someone that needed to learn to ride a bike? “Sit on the bike and start peddling!”

Well, get a baby and put it to your boob. Ingenious, right?

I’m not sure why they offer these breastfeeding classes. The only thing my breastfeeding class did was scare the crap out of me. “You want me to put a baby’s mouth WHERE?”

At the very end of my breastfeeding course, the instructor, a lady that seemed to enjoy her pillow that looked exactly like a breast a little too much, decided to show the class a video. A video of women breastfeeding. A video showing the nipples of women that I do not know. Nipples inside babies’ mouths.

I left that class, crying. “It looked like a big, wet Snickers bar!” I sobbed into my husband’s chest. “I. Can’t. Breastfeeeeeed!”

The funniest part of this story is that I ended up exclusively pumping for my first child for seven months and exclusively breastfeeding my second. So, if you’re thinking about it, give it a try.

Yes, it will “hurt” at the beginning as your body gets used to having a baby gnaw on your nipple. Yes, your boobs are going to get really big. And yes, it does get easier as time passes.

Just be prepared for the complete and total stranger manhandling your boobie in the hospital. They don’t tell you about that in breastfeeding class.