The Sarcastic Journalist is a freelance writer and mother of two living near Houston, Texas. She has a degree in journalism and an addiction to magazines. She is hoping never to experience the "joy" of pregnancy again. You can find much more of her home-grown snark at: shenuts.com
In addition to recounting 40 not-so-glowing but hilarious weeks of her pregnancy for our pregnancy calendar the Sarcastic Journalist used her sarcasm super-powers to help make our new edgy sarcastic pregnancy tickers. Check 'em out!
Week 30 : You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll never have sex again!
I once had the gall to tell someone who announced her pregnancy to me what I thought she should do during labor. My basis for doing so? I watched “A Baby Story” on TLC. What is even funnier about this is that at the time, I had never been pregnant, let alone gave birth.
Thanks to the miracle of television, you too, can watch the final weeks of a woman’s pregnancy up until the birth, neatly packaged into a 30-minute show. You’ll meet Jennifer (as they are always named Jennifer), a first-time Mom that has a house bigger than God himself.
Why they always have such nice houses, I have yet to figure out. I guess us po’ folks don’t make for good viewing entertainment.
The first few minutes of the show update us on Jennifer and her husband, Mike’s plans for the birth. They want no drugs. They want a shaman to come in during the birth and to bless the entire birthing room.
Flash forward to the delivery scene: Through the magic of editing, all we see is Jennifer screaming bloody murder, her crying over the decision to get an epidural and then a baby being born.
You get scared. “If Jennifer from Long Island can’t do it,” you think. “Then neither can I!”
That’s where you are wrong. I know of a high-profile blogger that refers to these shows as “When Babies Attack.” Everything that can go wrong will go wrong on these types of shows. It makes for good entertainment.
In actuality, the more I think of it, maybe these shows are secretly funded by the makers of contraception. What better way to gain more customers than to scare the dookie out of Patti from Idaho! She’ll never have unprotected sex again!
Trust me, you can do it! You’ll do great! And here’s one little piece of advice I have for you: Please refrain from watching these types of shows in the delivery room. You wouldn’t watch a show on cavities while waiting at the dentist’s office, would you?
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Amen!
Comment on 25th Aug '06 @ 3:22 pmThis comment is 1
You are too funny!
Comment on 1st Sep '06 @ 6:23 amThis comment is 1
This is absolutely true! Now that I'm 30 weeks pregnant, I'm finding myself OBSESSED with these programs, and there are so many out there to choose from.
Comment on 1st Sep '06 @ 11:42 amThis comment is 1
I do not have cable so that saves me. I used to watch A Baby Story all of the time when I had cable and was not pregnant. I totally agree with you. I am 30 weeks pregnant and needed some confidence in knowing I could be in labor without drugs.
Comment on 14th Sep '06 @ 3:20 pmThis comment is 1
These shows prepared me for the 22 hours I was in labor with my first child. I didn't go into labor, or my water didn't break. I was told by my doctor "today's the day." Blood pressure was rising and he wanted to get the baby out. I was calm and my husband was a wreck (he was so cute running around hysterically, I kept telling him to calm down and here I was as calm as a cucumber.) I am now 30 weeks into my second pregnancy and watch when I can (son is 2.) So I spend more time playing choo-choo's and cars and reading ABC and 123 books.
Comment on 18th Sep '06 @ 12:00 pmThis comment is 1
This is great! I'm so miserable being pregnant, that I haven't had a good chuckle in weeks! So true, though.. with my first I was like "Jennifer" minus the mansion in the Hamptons and the husband who's a stockbroker.
Where I used to watch intently, pregnant with my first child, I now watch it and make snide comments along with a lot of "yeah, rights...". The sick thing is that I STILL watch it.
Comment on 24th Sep '06 @ 6:06 amThis comment is 1
This is sooo true! I am 30 weeks and a little while ago I watched "A Baby Story," and almost started to cry! This is my first baby, so I am already SUPER nervous about delivery. The girl on the show was having her 3rd child, and was sooo confident until she went into labor and said she forgot how painfull it was!!!!! I thought "if she can't do it how can I?!?!?!" In the end I had to switch it off before the show was over!!
Comment on 18th Oct '06 @ 6:38 pmThis comment is 1
Hah! I was just complaining about that show to someone the other day-- I still watch it whenever I can, but I definitely don't like that TLC thinks the only type of people who get pregnant are these 30-year old rich women with amazing husbands, great jobs, and no stretch marks... (no offense to anyone qualifying in the above categories, and an especial kudos if you're the lucky non-stretch marky kind, but it's a little discouraging for us younger, not so-well-off gals)
That other show, Bringing Home Baby, about the first 36 hours of having the little one at home sans instruction manual or calm-voiced class instructor... now, there's something a little more realistic... XD
Comment on 20th Nov '06 @ 7:22 pmThis comment is 1
I agree with Laura 100 precent!!! I seem to be obsessed with watching biths, reading "when something goes wrong in the deleivery room books". We will all be fine:)
Comment on 27th Nov '06 @ 12:55 pmThis comment is 1
I think it's funny... But i'm thirty weeks today and i'm starting to get really scared... I'm only 15 and i'm scared of what it's gonna feel like and how i'm gonna do it..
Comment on 19th Dec '06 @ 10:25 amThis comment is 1
I absolutely agree. Im 29 weeks (will be 30 on Jan. 3) so i skipped ahead and found this. The article is hilarious b/c i watch a baby story all the time and im obsessed with all other shows that capture a woman giVing birth. But the woman's name is Jennifer ALOT and her house is always HUGE lol thats crazy. But something always goes wrong... umbilical cord around the neck, emergency c-section... the mom is always high risk... It never fails LOL.
Comment on 30th Dec '06 @ 5:05 pmThis comment is 1
hahaha.. im glad im not the only one who noticed all the Jennifer's with mansion's, my friend and i were talking about that the other day.... im 29 weeks pregnant, and i live on watching those shows, i dont know how i want my birth to be, i dont have a big huge birthplan that we will stick too, when i go into labor (this is my first) if i want to be drugged up, i will get it. haha.. i know its going to hurt. but i think its funny, watching all the screaming women, even when they HAVE an epidural, my sister had an epidural, and all she felt was baby Kaleb being set on her tummy after she pushed him out. Oh well, Baby Story, good show. And does anyone else ever notice, that its always on the west coast? ok im done babbeling. lol.
Comment on 12th Jan '07 @ 1:29 pmThis comment is 1
Funny stuff....My OBGYN actually advises her first time mom to not watch those shows....You are so right about the great big houses and the perfect lives though...Although I am 30 weeks with number 4 I totally get scared when the "Jennifers" are screaming as if aliens are leaving their bodies....THe fact of the matter is that T.V makes for good drama, they can't put the Ambers on t.v having normal non vocal births because the ratings would drop....
Comment on 19th Jan '07 @ 2:45 pmThis comment is 1
I think this is totally right on! I am happy i read it and laugh! THis website is the most down-to-earth I've seen. Thanks.
Comment on 27th Jan '07 @ 6:39 pmThis comment is 1
I have a couple friends who were on the show. The house they showed them in belonged to one of the producers. One shot showed the daddy-to-be sitting behind a large desk looking through paperwork. None of it was theirs. It is sad they don't want to show real life... just idealized situations.
Comment on 27th Jan '07 @ 11:06 pmThis comment is 1
omg that is so true!! before I became pregnant I liked watching some of those shows, but it always annoyed me how it was always people with big houses who could throw big parties whenever they wanted and they always have huge families... pretty much polar opposite of my life. When I became pregnant I actually couldn't stand watching the shows anymore pretty much for that reason, so I absolutely LOVE this article :)
Comment on 28th Jan '07 @ 10:46 amThis comment is 1
i sure wont watch a birth while giving birth.... i like "bringing home baby" on TLC :)
Comment on 3rd Feb '07 @ 4:09 pmThis comment is 1
haha! I thought this article was funny.. and true.
Comment on 16th Feb '07 @ 3:25 pmThis comment is 1
This is hilarious! Very true indeed!!
Comment on 1st Mar '07 @ 6:44 amThis comment is 1
this article was great. i too, have fallen victim to "a baby story" on tlc.
Comment on 8th Mar '07 @ 8:00 pmThis comment is 1
i am going to link this article to my wordpress blog (which i've linked under my name). hope you don't mind. this is the best thing i've read in a while.
Comment on 8th Mar '07 @ 8:04 pmThis comment is 1
HI-larious! And so good of you to write about, since 30 weeks does appear to be the week that I now have begun to get a little panicky about labor. My guess is that you would make a good coach. All women need to hear, "You can do it and you'll do great!" And I truly appreciate your dental analogy.
Grazie!
Comment on 11th Mar '07 @ 3:01 pmThis comment is 1
I like a baby story what makes me mad is every one of those girls just about are on there second child so yea this is my first so yes
Comment on 22nd Mar '07 @ 2:46 pmThis comment is 1
haha yeah i totally agree with this. i used to watch these shows all the time, and i wont let myself do it anymore, cuz the last time i did watch it, i sat up crying all worried about everything for 2 hours one night. i called my sister and she had to come to my house just to keep me calmed down. she told me that the only reason that they have these shows is that it shows all the bad pregnancies and all the ones with possible problems jsut for the entertainment value. they really should have shows for us pregnant women who actually are terrified of everything and need some kind of releif. they need to have a show that has a GOOD delivery instead of anything with complications!
Comment on 29th Mar '07 @ 8:42 amThis comment is 1
I have not been pregnant (yet). My dearest friend is and I was checking the calendar for development updates. I started reading the column on the right. It's hilarious.
Regarding "Jennifer" and her horrid mishaps, I have to disagree. A Baby Story used to be my favorite show, but then I had an opposite experience. "Jennifer" did indeed live in a big, snazzy home and wanted a natural birth in her jacuzzi tub. She was adorable, not the Stay-Puff-Marshmallow-Mom. Her husband was probably an underwear model. She had a midwife and a doula.
When it was time, she walked around for a bit, breathing deeply and calmly. Then they scooted her into the tub, she gave three deep, lightly moaning breaths, and then her baby was out. I though it was crap! They shouldn't show that. What happens when you're expecting this perfect birth and you end up spiking your blood pressure, rushed into emergency surgery, and caring for a baby with stitches all over your stomach?? All the while you find yourself cursing that b*tch "Jennifer" and her Jockey-model husband! ;)
I think it sets up false hopes and that realism is more practical.
But, then again, I've never been pregnant...
Comment on 10th Apr '07 @ 8:27 pmThis comment is 1
I don't care for that show A Baby Story. I agree, they focus on people who are married with awesome careers and houses... Because everyone can afford a lifestyle like that, huh??? I watch "Birth Day" instead on the Discovery health channel. It's for people who just want information on the final stages of pregnancy. I am 30 weeks pregnant with my 4th baby, So I have been watching that show a lot... Just so that I can be prepared for what's ahead. That show Birth Day is a Godsend for 1st time mommies~ Talk about a reality check.
Comment on 24th Apr '07 @ 10:11 amThis comment is 1
I actually did see one where the woman did a water birth, no pain meds, and everything went pretty ok.
I can't watch them. I always start to blubber when the baby comes out. It makes me cry like crazy! (lol)
Comment on 25th Apr '07 @ 12:56 amThis comment is 1
I always thought those shows were ok then I watched an awful one during my last pregnancy and haven't watched since....I am now 38 weeks pregnant and labor is soon I can tell by my false contractions they are getting worse and have more of a pattern now so I know I am not far off as well as my licensed doctor telling me its any day now...but my mother in law informed me the other day that I "am not DONE yet" how does she know this well she watched baby story and learned that your belly button has to be smoothed out with the rest of the bulge we call a baby well that is just nice to know you can learn ridiculous things like this on TV when my last pregnancy my belly button did not change at all huh what do you know? I guess after watching umteen million baby story episodes any one could possibly deliver a baby ha ha
Comment on 9th May '07 @ 8:10 amThis comment is 1
it 's true , you find you're self watching These kind of show's when you're close to having the baby.
But i have to let you know that you're funny :)
Comment on 9th May '07 @ 3:49 pmThis comment is 1
You are HILLARIOUS! (And totally correct!)
I still like to watch those shows -- but on the dvr. That way, I can FF thru all the nasty labor and see the cute end results -- newborns!
I find that I watch these shows more and more as I get closer to my due date...
*sigh*
Comment on 6th Jun '07 @ 6:14 amThis comment is 1
I disagree I watch Bringing Home Baby and A Baby Story faithfully.And I love it Im currently 35 weeks pregnant and I like the fact of having an idea of what labor and the days to come afterward are going to be like.I know better than to think thats exactly what Im gonna experiance.But its still entertaining which is the sole purpose of television shows.Not a peek into your labor.
Comment on 6th Jun '07 @ 2:04 pmThis comment is 1
I watch Bringing Home Baby and am 30 weeks pregnant. I used to watch Baby Story a long time ago. I find that show really "clean". They don't show the vomiting or the bowel movement that can happen. I wasn't suppose to have children, so my younger sister had me in the labor room with her. How painful labor looked and sounded.It was scary! When we found out I was pregnant I opted for a c-section. I know women have been giving birth for centuries with pain but this is the 21 century and I decided I don't want the pain, tearing,or stretching anymore than has to be. Call me a big baby!
Comment on 17th Jun '07 @ 11:12 amThis comment is 1
I totally agree about those shows. Almost everyone is rich and is a stay-at-home mom. I haven't watched one in a long time, but I actually used that as a form of birth control. Whenever I started desperately wanting a baby (even though I had planned to have one in a few years), I would watch a few episodes and suddenly find myself perfectly content to remain childless for a bit longer. Even now, in prenatal class I hate watching the videos. I'm fine discussing, it, but since it has to happen, I might as well not be forced to endure these visual images more than necessary!
Comment on 25th Jun '07 @ 11:03 amThis comment is 1
Actually, I DISagree with the article. I DVR'd this show when i was preggers, so i saw plenty of it. I always felt that they made it look pretty easy - even if the labor isn;t easy, the delivery goes smoothly with no problems. This gave me a false impression about what it would be like, so when I had a shoulder dystocia, chorioamnionitis, pre-eclampsia, and uterine atony, I felt like I was cheated out of the joy of giving birth. Not that they should show every graphic detail, but none of the eps I saw showed any complications with delivery.
Comment on 16th Jul '07 @ 1:42 pmThis comment is 1
I agree! These shows can waver to the extremes. During my first baby I watched the show every single day and went in for my delivery with my head in clouds assuming my delivery would be compact and last maybe 8 hours. Well, it turned out to be 29 hours and a 9 lb baby. I'm pregnant with my little girl now and No, I'm not watching the baby story anymore. :-))
Comment on 20th Jul '07 @ 11:49 amThis comment is 1
Wow! I'm 30 weeks pregnant and as I watch these shows I get more nervous everyday! This will be my first little one, but I am so ready to see her beautiful face!
Comment on 26th Jul '07 @ 6:59 pmThis comment is 1
Hilarious! I actually watched these before i got pregnant and now im 30 weeks and watch them all the time wondering why the women seem to never live in an apt like me! Im getting anxious now as the time seems to be getting closer and they just scare me!
Comment on 1st Aug '07 @ 11:17 amThis comment is 1
Hilarious! I actually watched these before i got pregnant and now im 30 weeks and watch them all the time wondering why the women seem to never live in an apt like me! Im getting anxious now as the time seems to be getting closer and they just scare me!
Comment on 1st Aug '07 @ 11:18 amThis comment is 1
I actually like A Baby Story. They show a variety of different birthing options and things that can happen, but usually don't. I feel more informed and of course, have the pleasure of releasing pent-up tears when I see them give birth. It makes me realize, every single time, that no matter the pain or whatever else may come, at the end is a beautiful baby. It's a joy to watch and learn from these shows....however, I am not one to panic, so may be it's not good for some people. :)
Comment on 3rd Aug '07 @ 12:21 amThis comment is 1
well i lik thouse shows ........ tlc and discovery health................im 19 and im going on my second child...........so ive learnd lots from thouse shows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment on 12th Aug '07 @ 11:21 amThis comment is 1
I love baby story and bringing home baby! I just hate how just about every time i watch this show, all the women seem to have c-sections!!
Comment on 20th Aug '07 @ 12:57 pmThis comment is 1
I agree!! The homes are always so niceee and it is never a single mother either! I do watch them everyday though... but I have had two babies already and one on the way. The Birth Stories are all clean and the parents are so beaver Clever..lol But, the other one Special Deliveries.. OMG like 95% on there have C Sections and maybe 1 in 100 gives birth naturally. Disturbing to me how many opt for an epidural really without a second thought. Some are only 3cms and getting them! They hardly feel any of the actual PAIN of labor and already crying for the shot..haha I am not against epidurals, but a lot really don't understand how they can negatively effect your labor and your baby. Just remember that this is has only been in common practice since the 70s. All the mothers did it without that before, you can too! It is not as bad as the shows make it seem for most. Just FOCUS.
Comment on 23rd Aug '07 @ 9:16 amThis comment is 1
You're so right! Thanks for the insight!
Comment on 27th Aug '07 @ 6:48 amThis comment is 1
Thank you! Thank you! Than you! I never thought of "A baby story" in that way before. Evey since I've been pregnant I have been watching the show thinking that it would in some small way prepare for the big day, but now that I'm getting closer to my due date it's beginning to scare the hell out of me! No first time mom should every watch a show like that;)
Comment on 2nd Sep '07 @ 4:28 pmThis comment is 1
ha ha ha ha, thats me laughing out loud- got a crazy look from my 2 year old! I'm on my third and the first thats all I did...have not watched one this time! Everything you said is so true. I'm laughing so hard because I just had a similar conversation with my friend that went about the same as your article. Love it!
Comment on 4th Sep '07 @ 7:23 amThis comment is 1
I was into these shows back in my first trimester but then I realized that they were showing the worst of labor most of the time. there is no need for an epidural. most of the time when the mom is even asking for drugs, she is almost done! great article!
Comment on 1st Oct '07 @ 8:45 amThis comment is 1
I love the article and agree with the comments and points made. In my opinion let nature take its place and do not watch a video to give you the picture of what you will experience in child labor. Everyone has an experience some bad and some good. The main thing is it is your own and you own that as a woman that your experience is your licience into Motherhood. Of course it will be hard and take work. But we decided or didn't to have this beautiful child so we must take the responsibility of our choices and take our role with honor. Put mind over matter and never watch something that will scare the daylights out of us to go though labor. I honestly think it is a small price to pay for the incredible gift we have in t raising a beautiful child of God.
Comment on 2nd Oct '07 @ 4:02 pmThis comment is 1
ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!! ^_^ COULDN'T BE MORE TRUE!!! THANKS FOR THE GOOD LAUGH!!!
Comment on 16th Oct '07 @ 1:46 pmThis comment is 1
Going through my second pregnancy (31 weeks! yay!) I myself consider these shows to be a kind of right of passage for pregnant women who have the time to watch tv. I will agree that they often do not give the full story (but, in all honesty - do ya want to see it all?) – but, if you're pregnant and concerned then maybe you should pick up a book on the subject instead of relying on television to educate you on the birthing process. The show is not supposed to be 100% educational -- it is filmed to give new Mothers (and anyone else watching) an intimate look at what it's like to become new parents. More so than the actual delivery -- the show focuses on the emotional aspects of bringing a baby into the world... And, for the record, I'm not sure what show you're watching, but, I have seen PLENTY of Baby Story episodes where the Mom is a working Mom not living in a big house. The character demographics of this show are all over the board.
Never-the-less, this read was a witty one -- good job keeping the pregger population laughing! Lord knows we need it from time to time.
Comment on 29th Oct '07 @ 7:17 amThis comment is 1
This is SOOO true. When I was pregnant with my first son, I watched "A Baby Story" to get an idea of what it would be like...it petrified me. But when I went into labor, I realized that it wasn't like that at all. Then I was pregnant with my second son & still watched it & laughed through the shows. Now that I'm 30weeks with my daughter, it still makes me laugh but makes me cry at the same time. It makes me cry because I want her out NOW!
Comment on 4th Nov '07 @ 8:44 amThis comment is 1
its nice to hear someone touch this subject, i'm one of those first time moms, reading everything with "baby" attatched to it, watching not only a baby story but every spin off on TLC, discovery channel and even national geographic. while it is interesting to know different situations... i agree it has pretty much petrified me. i still dont know whats ahead of me in the delivery room dispite the millions of "jennifers" i've watched. but thank god i wont have a camera crew in there with me...
Comment on 4th Nov '07 @ 11:01 amThis comment is 1
I am 30 weeks preggers today. Though not watching these programmes myself -for the mentioned reasons ;-) I nevertheless get informed about them (including what pregnancy and labour is about) by my girl-friends who btw never where pregnant / gave birth... grrrr.
Comment on 14th Nov '07 @ 3:33 amThis comment is 1
i love watching this kind of shows all day everyday...but i never realize the jennifer n the big houses mmm..ill have that in mind next time im watching the show...
Comment on 21st Nov '07 @ 3:52 pmThis comment is 1
Thanks so much for this. I am 29 weeks along with my first baby and I often find myself sweating and terrified after watching "A Baby Story". Even though I know it, it's nice to hear that other people are aware that we aren't all "Jennifer's" with million dollar homes and pristine nurseries! I already have plans to tape the worst episodes of this show and save them for when my son is old enough for sex :-). But seriously your candid article definitely gave me a laugh and helped to ease some of my anxiety for the day.
Thanks Again
Comment on 16th Dec '07 @ 2:29 amThis comment is 1
AMEN!!!!!
Comment on 19th Dec '07 @ 9:43 pmThis comment is 1
I completley agree. It bugs me too that on every show the house is huge and everything is perfectly painted and accesorized. That really bugs me. Oh well.
Comment on 5th Jan '08 @ 7:43 pmThis comment is 1
Actually I have found when I have watched these shows that nothing goes wrong, no real pain, no worries, everything is just so perfect and such BS. There is no such thing as a perfect delivery or one where the women doesn't moan or groan at the very least at the pain she is in. I do not watch these shows because they seem too fake to me.
Comment on 28th Jan '08 @ 2:14 pmThis comment is 1
And I'd like to take a moment to ask if anyone else has noticed how PLASTIC that lady at the beginnings belly looks... anyone?
Comment on 31st Jan '08 @ 1:48 pmThis comment is 1
Im still 7mo and yes watching a baby story SCARES THE HELL outta me! I thought i was so ready for this and then i started watching this to "prepare myself further" i dont recomend it! lol
Comment on 28th Feb '08 @ 10:32 amThis comment is 1
I truly enjoyed this article because it is absolutely true. I have refrained from watching it during this pregnancy but with my first one I watched it religiously and when it came down to labor day I was a nervous wreck to the point it made my blood pressure drop. Labor turned out to be a breeze for me, no horrible pain (EPIDURAL!!!), 3 good pushes and she was out. And everything was perfectly fine. I hope this one goes the same.
Comment on 2nd Mar '08 @ 5:17 amThis comment is 1
I LOVED your article. I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair. It is nice to see another with wit and a sense of reality when it comes to labor and delivery. A big thank you!
Comment on 27th Mar '08 @ 9:16 pmThis comment is 1
I agree some of the Health channel's shows are scary but A Baby Story is always positive and I LOVE watching! In fact, I am 30 weeks into my 5th pregnancy and have told my husband that I can never watch the show again after Sam comes b/c it will make me want another baby!!!!! I love being pregnant and b/c of modern meds, I love being in labor too.
Comment on 4th Apr '08 @ 6:29 amThis comment is 1
that is the funniest thing ever. and that really what it seems like. I mean come one I was induced with my first and he was 10 pounds and i did just fine with out and epidural.
Comment on 17th Apr '08 @ 8:55 amThis comment is 1
AMEN to why do they all have such grand houses??!!! I swear I had to stop watching these shows because I live in such a small singlewide (just for a little while longer!) and I was purely panicking because I don't have even a 1/4 of the room that these folks have. And I HATED to watch them complaining about how hard everything was for them in there lives, while I sit here in my singlewide, Husband in the Army, and wishing I could have so much more. The labor parts ARE good, but I tell you what.. you're right. Everything that goes wrong does.. and talk about creating even more anxiety. I have yet to see the mother who has to deliver without her husband being present, which is something that I and many other Military wives have to go through! I agree too that the first 36 hours show is a lot more realistic.
Comment on 30th Apr '08 @ 10:34 pmThis comment is 1
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