The Sarcastic Journalist is a freelance writer and mother of two living near Houston, Texas. She has a degree in journalism and an addiction to magazines. She is hoping never to experience the "joy" of pregnancy again. You can find much more of her home-grown snark at: shenuts.com
In addition to recounting 40 not-so-glowing but hilarious weeks of her pregnancy for our pregnancy calendar the Sarcastic Journalist used her sarcasm super-powers to help make our new edgy sarcastic pregnancy tickers. Check 'em out!
Week 28 : Shave it for someone who cares
After weeks of obsessively counting down to the arrival of the baby, you have finally reached the third trimester. (At this point, I will assume that you are a first time Mom. Why? If it is your second child, you are doing good to remember that you are, in fact, pregnant. Trust me on this one.)
Now it is time to yell “Woo-hoo! Third trimester!” Once you are finished, look at the calendar and realize that you most likely still have 12 weeks to go. That’s longer than the average new sitcom run. Longer than the time you went out with your first boyfriend.
Now that you’re in the third trimester, you’ll soon realize just how quickly your belly can expand. One of my favorite pastimes during my final trimesters was to ask my husband “Do I look any bigger today?”
That’s like saying “Does this dress make my butt look fat?”Yes, yes you look bigger today! How could you not? You have a baby! In your belly!
It is time to sit down and realize a few things: You are going to get bigger. Just when you thought you couldn’t get any bigger, you will, in fact, get bigger. It happens. You might also get stretch marks (if you haven’t already) in places you could never imagine.
Luckily, there’s a chance that your massive belly will prevent you from fully seeing the stretch marks!
I’ll leave you with this very visual image: Be happy they don’t do the routine “shave” on women about to go into labor anymore. Why? Well, let’s just say that after I had my babies, I was surprised to learn that stretch marks could happen down there, as well.
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LOL.I AGREE!!
Comment on 15th Sep '06 @ 11:51 amThis comment is 1
I am pregnant with my 2nd child so I cant fully agree with the remark of not knowing what week I am in. The rest is true though.
Comment on 18th Nov '06 @ 7:48 amThis comment is 1
Please tell me I will not have stretch marks down there! I already have to deal with them on my back, butt, belly and thighs!! **sighs** The wonderful world of pregnancy!
Comment on 16th Jan '07 @ 6:29 pmThis comment is 1
The shave? Yes they do still do it! And I had a c-section with my first. This is my second, and I do agree with the comment about not remembering you're pregnant. Before I had this giant belly reminder, my husband, friends, family, and I would frequently forget I was pregnant. Of course it's possible that the reason for that is I'm 27 weeks pregnant and my son just turned 9 months. ;) But it's really all one can do with a toddler into everything to remember there's another baby on the way. Until she kicks you in the ribs!
Comment on 22nd Jan '07 @ 1:46 pmThis comment is 1
i can honestly say i completly forget that i am pregnantsometimes since this is my second, the reminders are the huge bump and people asking me when im due... and when this happens its quite funny when my reply is ..excuse me? due for what? then they point at my belly! its getting embarrasing i must say. - oh and the stretch marks, just be happy that for a few months the bump hides the truth.. im not looking forward to seeing the reality of my extra strechmarks and belly skirt when this one makes her exit.- and i happen to have a nice stretch mark under where my "strip" should be - so i always look like i have a bald patch. ohh well....
Comment on 11th Mar '07 @ 7:50 amThis comment is 1
I had already felt i couldnt get any bigger then all of a sudden i just feel bigger everyday. Since i havent been able to shave my legs and well my puntang i have my husband do he gets a little weirded out but he does it. I do ask him if i have new stretch marks everyday he scares sometimes by saying "OMG look at that giant stretch mark" so as every women would do i run to the mirror and the mark is tiny but dark. just dont really want to think about the time but i cant help but to think about it everyday.
Comment on 13th Mar '07 @ 8:02 pmThis comment is 1
im 18 and preg with my 1st baby so there is no possible way that i or others forget that i'm preg.. the stretch marks subject is scary i hate the fact that the are coming and not stopping anytime soon. o well its all for my baby boy. the shaving subject my aunt just had a c section and was shaved so i try every once n a while but wow my belly sure does get in the way alot!
Comment on 3rd Apr '07 @ 1:18 pmThis comment is 1
this is my 1st, and i know i'm not forgetting what's going on. i'm on my 28th wk and i actually keep asking my fiance, " am i big honey", and he replies "NO". but when i think about it, it is like what you said. He would be just plain dumb to say YES!! One good thing i don't have stretch marks yet!!!!!!
Comment on 4th Apr '07 @ 5:53 pmThis comment is 1
Sad but true with my first daughter I got one huge stretch mark down there and never noticed it until several months later.
Comment on 16th May '07 @ 7:30 pmThis comment is 1
Sometimes I forget, but then I quickly get over and realize yeah I'm pregnant with my second one!!! So true about the stretch marks!
Comment on 22nd May '07 @ 9:40 amThis comment is 1
Well, I'm pregnant with my third and my three-year-old and eighteen-month-old help me always remember I'm pregnant. I used to be able to keep up with them. But now, forget about it. Most of the time it's easier to clean up the mess than even attempt to prevent it!
Comment on 23rd May '07 @ 11:10 pmThis comment is 1
LOL. Funny! I'm always asking SO if I look pregnant today! LOL.
Comment on 26th May '07 @ 12:44 pmThis comment is 1
I am 28 weeks pregnant with my second child and i wish i could forget for 2 seconds that im pregnant but i can't its all i think about but my daughter is 7 and she talks about the baby all the time she's so excited and very helpful she even makes me breakfast sometimes when im not feeling well..But i do wish it would be over soon i feel like a giant human balloon..
Comment on 21st Jun '07 @ 4:47 pmThis comment is 1
Oh, let me tell you this is baby # 3 and you definately could forget that you are pregnant. Well, maybe you just do not get to enjoy it as much. And about the stretch marks down south, how sad. I never thought that a person could get so many on their "you know". Oh and one of you said belly skirt, LOL that is friggin' hilarious. Nobody tells first time mommas about that. I couldn't even see my "you know" for about 3 weeks b/c of my "skirt" ........
Comment on 26th Jun '07 @ 8:27 amThis comment is 1
Hee hee...I'm preggo with my 4th, and I'm already pretty much a walking roadmap as far as stretch marks go. I got them in my 2nd month with my 1st, and remember being totally shocked when I could finally inspect the parts below....no words can describe the feeling of discovering how drastically your body has been altered after having a baby. Whew!
Comment on 17th Jul '07 @ 9:21 pmThis comment is 1
ok all this is new for me !! what skirt thing are you guys talking about
im 28 weeks with my first
Comment on 19th Jul '07 @ 4:30 pmThis comment is 1
LOL! I couldn't stop laughing at this one! This is my second child and I know exactly what you mean. Cheers to all of us with huge belly's, it better blocks the view of our ever swelling feet and gross vains in our legs that seem to pop out during pregnancy!!!!
Comment on 23rd Sep '07 @ 9:12 amThis comment is 1
I totally agree with the forgetting part!! I'm pregnant with my second and constantly forget hpw far along I am. With my first, I could tell you exactly how many weeks and days I was!! haha Just today a lady asked how far along I was and I said 5 months... well when i thought about it later i thought "Wait a second, I'm 6 months now!" haha LOL!
Comment on 2nd Oct '07 @ 11:45 pmThis comment is 1
I'm also 28 weeks with my first. What skirt thing are you guys talking about?
It's ao nice to hear other Pregnant lady's with some of the same symptoms. I really thought I was going crazy.
Comment on 18th Oct '07 @ 3:27 pmThis comment is 1
I'm 16 and 24 wks now, but I've already got a few stretch marks on my tummy and if a belly skirt is what I think it is then I'm seriously gonna be depressed after seeing how much fatter I got. I hate stretch marks!!! I wonder how much that laser treatment costs? I don't wanna be fat and stretch marked forever! I guess Lily will keep my mind off of that for a while anyways! GRRR! Yeah, the joys of pregnancy!
Comment on 30th Oct '07 @ 12:36 pmThis comment is 1
wow.. this is my third baby... and i didnt know you could get stretch marks on your junk!.. since i AM a shaver... this was useful info to me.. now ill make sure i put lotion on my junkness :P
Comment on 16th Nov '07 @ 6:48 amThis comment is 1
I'm 19 and am 28 weeks, 2 days with my lil soccer star. Anybody else getting the feeling that the baby doesn't just KICK your bladder? Mine has discovered that it makes a nice chair as well!! As for the shaving, I gave up on that 2 months ago. I told my hubby that if he wanted it clean, he had to do it because I'm not shaving what I can't even see!The stretch marks... Oh the stretch marks. I dread putting on my cocoa butter in the morning and feeling the new ones "down under". Oh well... Jr.'s worth it.
Comment on 22nd Nov '07 @ 4:29 amThis comment is 1
Wow. How true that article is! I am on my third baby and the whole time I was reading I was laughing and nodding my head in agreement. Well said! Thank goodness someone else is a realist!
Comment on 12th Dec '07 @ 7:01 amThis comment is 1
How funny. I'm having #2 and I remember when I 1st realized there were marks on my vajay-jay. It was horrible. And despite what the makers of all the creams claim, nothing works to rid your body of them.
Comment on 19th Dec '07 @ 9:42 amThis comment is 1
I have the worst streach marks on my enormous hips. I'm not talking little hips. I have hips that look like I'm carrying an innertube under my clothes. My but also hit the floor with my first so there's no hope there. Now with number 3 I'm just waiting to see what's going to happen. Good luck and God bless ladies.
Comment on 5th Jan '08 @ 6:56 pmThis comment is 1
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Comment on 16th Feb '08 @ 10:26 pmThis comment is 1
If I'd known I would have taken some nude and shaven pics of myself before I got pregnant, then glued them to the mirror to pretend that I still have smooth unblemished belly and bits =)
Comment on 25th Feb '08 @ 4:13 amThis comment is 1
second pregnancy here...ummm don't think you really forget.
Comment on 21st Mar '08 @ 9:16 amThis comment is 1
I'm 20 an I'm pregnant with my 1st... I have lots of stretch marks running down my legs an on my butt (none on my stomach) but 2 find out u can get them on that special place... I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!
Comment on 1st Apr '08 @ 10:17 pmThis comment is 1
that is great. this is my second and I figure i have never had to ask do i look bigger today. my first was 10 pounds i know i am fat, however my husband does tell me sometime that i look bigger then i did a week again. lol and as for streach marks. I was shocked that I could even get anymore since with my first I literally had them from my boobs all the way down to my knees but yes you can get more. this really was great to read.
Comment on 4th Apr '08 @ 11:32 amThis comment is 1
Yes I too have the stretch marks down there lol!! It does help to know im not the only one. I am pregnant with my 3rd and im 7 months but im really small this time around which im not complaining lol. LOved reading your story thanks for sharing it!!!
Comment on 12th Apr '08 @ 3:11 pmThis comment is 1
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Comment on 5th May '08 @ 10:15 amThis comment is 1
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