Tease me, squeeze me (not that tight!)

People are always waiting for “the right time” to have a baby. It’s always something: You don’t have enough money; your spouse doesn’t have the “right” job. Your house is too small, your butt's too big and your ability to handle the smell of someone else’s poop is oddly nonexistent.

What most people don’t realize is that there isn’t a “right time” to have a baby. You can’t plan a baby like you would a bikini wax. Even if you decide to “try,” things have a magical way of popping up and ruining your plans.

For me, it was “stomach problems” for my husband. After finally weaning my daughter, I had begun to ovulate. Trying to control nature and have my baby during a few select “perfect weather” months, I felt determined to get pregnant.

My husband’s body had other plans: He ended up in the emergency room. I wouldn’t consider myself a very “frisky” person normally. Why would I? I had a nine-month-old at the time and was tired. But, I wanted that second baby and I didn’t want to have it during the summer.

So, I tried my best to convince my husband, still hunched over in pain, that a good romp in the sack would cure all his problems. Yes, I knowingly tried to seduce someone who had given himself an enema earlier in the day.

Desperate times call for (really) desperate measures.