The Sarcastic Journalist is a freelance writer and mother of two living near Houston, Texas. She has a degree in journalism and an addiction to magazines. She is hoping never to experience the "joy" of pregnancy again. You can find much more of her home-grown snark at: shenuts.com
In addition to recounting 40 not-so-glowing but hilarious weeks of her pregnancy for our pregnancy calendar the Sarcastic Journalist used her sarcasm super-powers to help make our new edgy sarcastic pregnancy tickers. Check 'em out!
People are always waiting for “the right time” to have a baby. It’s always something: You don’t have enough money; your spouse doesn’t have the “right” job. Your house is too small, your butt's too big and your ability to handle the smell of someone else’s poop is oddly nonexistent.
What most people don’t realize is that there isn’t a “right time” to have a baby. You can’t plan a baby like you would a bikini wax. Even if you decide to “try,” things have a magical way of popping up and ruining your plans.
For me, it was “stomach problems” for my husband. After finally weaning my daughter, I had begun to ovulate. Trying to control nature and have my baby during a few select “perfect weather” months, I felt determined to get pregnant.
My husband’s body had other plans: He ended up in the emergency room. I wouldn’t consider myself a very “frisky” person normally. Why would I? I had a nine-month-old at the time and was tired. But, I wanted that second baby and I didn’t want to have it during the summer.
So, I tried my best to convince my husband, still hunched over in pain, that a good romp in the sack would cure all his problems. Yes, I knowingly tried to seduce someone who had given himself an enema earlier in the day.
Desperate times call for (really) desperate measures.
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for some people an enema is erotic and highly sexual!
Comment on 29th Jan '07 @ 5:30 amThis comment is 1
I thought the last paragraph was laugh-out-loud-hilarious!!!!
As my husband would say, 'bring it on. I'm sick, not dead!'
Comment on 29th Jan '07 @ 4:52 pmThis comment is 1
THATS HARSH I WOULD NOT DO THAT TO MY BOYFRIEND
Comment on 14th Mar '07 @ 9:55 amThis comment is 1
when we wanted our first baby we had try and not know that we were already pregnant, my husband got really sick and ended up in the hopital. I was lucky that I was already pregnant because he wanted nothing to do with me for quiet some time.
Comment on 15th Mar '07 @ 6:08 pmThis comment is 1
Hey, I got pregnant one week after gall bladder surgery...he can take one for the team ;)
Comment on 29th Mar '07 @ 6:50 pmThis comment is 1
That's not harsh, have you ever really heard a guy complain about having to have sex?
Comment on 29th May '07 @ 7:01 amThis comment is 1
Here's a twist on the story...we actually broke my husband trying! His "member" was literally black and blue! Just to sort of paint the picture...he was on top and in complete control so it was intirely his fault! He came out and I suppose didn't realize it soon enough and when he went to put himself back in he bent it against me and messed up a vien. We could do anything for weeks!
Comment on 6th Jun '07 @ 11:03 amThis comment is 1
haha! that's kinda funny.. horrible but funny!
Comment on 28th Aug '07 @ 3:50 pmThis comment is 1
hahahaha classic
Comment on 17th Sep '07 @ 8:19 amThis comment is 1
Well I wouldn't say that we wanted another baby. I did but my husband was another story. He said we were done. Surprise, we're on baby #3!!
Comment on 4th Jan '08 @ 1:36 pmThis comment is 1
I agree with you on one thing. There is never really a right time. So go for it. And Bethany yes I have heard men complaining about having sex. Especially if it's day in and day out and every night. Don't forget men are lazy. ;)
Comment on 8th Mar '08 @ 2:48 pmThis comment is 1
My boyfriend wanted to have sex a day after he came out of the hospital for a stab wound. Even though he was in pain he wanted it. At first I was hwsistant, naturally because of his health, but I later gave in because he was getting upset. I wanted him to be happy. lol.
Comment on 19th Mar '08 @ 12:58 pmThis comment is 1
Zdrasste! Nice site. thx
Comment on 11th Apr '08 @ 2:14 pmThis comment is 1
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Comment on 27th Apr '08 @ 10:44 pmThis comment is 1
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