Decaf THIS!

Once I started “showing” a little baby belly, there were certain things, such as downing a pitcher of beer, skateboarding and pole vaulting, that I decided to stop doing in public.

You see, many people view that belly as a way to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do. I don’t know how many times I walked into a coffee shop only for them to ask me if I wanted my drink “decaf.”

Uh, no. If I wanted my drink without the “good stuff” in it, I would have told you so. Also, why are you looking at me strange? What? You don’t allow cigar smoking inside Starbucks? Okay, fine.

All kidding aside, it really chaps my hide when I see people telling a pregnant woman what to do. Even better is when the advice is coming from someone who has never been pregnant.

I know that the 16-year-old making my mocha thinks that all caffeine is bad, but it isn’t. That is because she hasn’t studied up on what is okay during pregnancy.

Instead, she listens to what she has heard and assumes that any woman that dare drink a cup of joe that isn’t decaf is going to have a five-headed baby.

Even if the baby does have five heads, I’ll make sure to teach those heads not to give unsolicited advice to pregnant women.