The Sarcastic Journalist is a freelance writer and mother of two living near Houston, Texas. She has a degree in journalism and an addiction to magazines. She is hoping never to experience the "joy" of pregnancy again. You can find much more of her home-grown snark at: shenuts.com
In addition to recounting 40 not-so-glowing but hilarious weeks of her pregnancy for our pregnancy calendar the Sarcastic Journalist used her sarcasm super-powers to help make our new edgy sarcastic pregnancy tickers. Check 'em out!
Week 14 : Let’s hear it for the boys (and my fat butt)
Everything changes the second the double lines appear on the home pregnancy test. You are no longer you. You are now a pregnant woman. And apparently you are now available for public pestering regarding everything to do with pregnancy. That’s right: the tiny baby in your belly makes women around the world believe they can give you advice.
My personal favorites happen to be the old wives tales. It’ll happen at least once; you’ll be standing in line at the store and an older lady will approach you. She’ll tell you that since you’re packing on pounds in your rear that it is “a boy!”
Wait. Did she just tell you that your butt is fat?
Yes, and she feels she has the right to do so. Why? Because you are pregnant!
When else could someone comment on the width of your nose (if it has spread, it is a boy) or the size of your breasts (bigger means girl!) than when you are with child?
What better time to assault a woman than when she is pregnant, hormonal and changing daily? Most of us are either too shocked or too polite to tell these women where they can take their advice.
Next time one of these ladies points out that “the little girl in there has stolen all your looks,” pat her on the rear and say “So, I assume you’re due with your little boy any day now?
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Try the "If you don't eat what you crave, the baby will come out looking like that." That's my grandmother's favorite.
Comment on 25th Aug '06 @ 3:43 pmThis comment is 1
I had a lady turn me around and look at my butt when I was only like 10 weeks and told me i was having a boy, I told her I have always had a huge rear and it hadn't grown any yet at all! some people are crazy!!!
Comment on 29th Sep '06 @ 6:34 amThis comment is 1
I cannot stand those people. It drives me insane. I have 2 boys and another baby on the way. I have heard I have no many stories, but some of these woman can have some kind of intuition. Before I had missed a period or I even knew I was pregnant, I had several woman ask me when I was due. They said they could tell I was pregnant. I became very offended so I got a pregnancy test and then found out I was pregnant.
Comment on 15th Nov '06 @ 6:19 pmThis comment is 1
I love the women who tell you how you should feel. I have had weird cravings since day one. My cravings were the reason that I get a pregnancy test. I mean who eats peanut butter and mustard?? Yet those people who have NEVER been pregnant would tell me "its too soon to have cravings" while those who had been pregnant would tell me the same thing. Don't get me wrong I enjoy the advice but not that. I cant stand it when people tell me how I should feel being pregnant.
Comment on 14th Dec '06 @ 8:27 amThis comment is 1
“So, I assume you’re due with your little boy any day now? NOW THAT'S A GOOD ONE I AM GOING TO USE! LOL!
Comment on 18th Dec '06 @ 12:56 pmThis comment is 1
I am sick and tires of the comments! I have this lady at work that she insista I am having a girl since I was 6 weeks! And i mean she is really agressive about it when people ask me things she will just step in and call the baby a she, just because she likes little girls. I am really pissed off with the whole situation as I dont want to be rude or give the wrong impression that i dont want a girl. I dont have any preferences but even if i did obviously other people know better. Not to ment5ion teh fact that the usual advice is about the long labour and wishes like oh enjoy these xmas as you will be rushed on your feet on the next one! Thank you guys. I knew from the start that its not a walk in the park but obviously i cannot even look forward to it!
Comment on 22nd Dec '06 @ 11:20 amThis comment is 1
im pretty young and all i hear is "ohh are you sure your ready for this baby"....ofcourse im sure im still pregnant arent i...stop telling me im too young to be prgenant....im a big girl and i make my own decisions.....i choose to join the military and help defend this country didnt i ......i think i can decide whether or not im ready for a baby....
Comment on 9th Jan '07 @ 11:27 amThis comment is 1
During my first pregnancy, at 38 weeks, I had a woman argue with me, saying, "The baby hasn't dropped yet." My side of the argument seemed quite valid: That's funny, because I can feel when the baby turns his head INSIDE my pubic bones!!! (You know, waaaaay down there!) This lady still thought she was right, though. funny.
Comment on 16th Jan '07 @ 1:28 pmThis comment is 1
with my son I had women who insisted I had the due date wrong! they thought I was too small to be due when I was. there were quite a few ladies at my work who were stuffing their feet in their mouths when he was born one day before the due date! LOL!
Comment on 18th Jan '07 @ 9:47 amThis comment is 1
I look forward to these every week. Even when I've had the worst week, these articles always seem to make me laugh. Thanks for making this so much more bearable!
Comment on 22nd Jan '07 @ 11:55 amThis comment is 1
Hmm, wonder what I'm having? My grandmother said my butt is wider so I'm having a boy (it's NOT wider by the way - my jeans still fit) and my mother in law says I'm having a girl because my boobs have gotten quite huge (they have and I'm only 13 wks in). I guess it's a 50/50 chance :).
Comment on 20th Mar '07 @ 1:03 pmThis comment is 1
I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I'm only 17, so I know how it feels when people are like, "oh you're so young, are you ready for this". It makes me so mad because I'm the one dealing with all of it and I don't need their snarky little comments to make me feel like a bad person for getting pregnant as a teen.(not that it was planned) And going to high school pregnant is no picnic. Everyone thinks just because I'm fixing to have a baby, that they can make comments on my weight every DAY! They think it doesn't offend me but it does. Ya know, I don't comment on the extra five pounds they put on so why should they get to? Pregnancy is complicated.
Comment on 27th Mar '07 @ 7:56 amThis comment is 1
Amen and amen sisters! I wonder how they would feel if we just out and said, "Actually I'm not really pregnant...I'm just FAT. Thanks anyway." I bet they would never talk to another pregnant lady for quite some time. Hee hee hee hee!
Comment on 10th Apr '07 @ 9:09 amThis comment is 1
When I was about 5 months pregnant with my first (not even wearing maternity clothes all the time yet), a lady at my church insisted that I needed to be checked for twins. She caught me on a bad day, and I just said, "wow, that seems like a really rude thing to say to someone" with a sad look on my face. She was shocked! I wish to this day I had a picture of her surprise - it totally brightened my day but I tried not to let it show in front of her. Also, with my first, my crazy mother insisted on flying 1000 miles so she could administer her "swinging pencil test," which helped her determine without any doubt that I was having a girl. She was SOOO strangely upset when we told her it would be a boy! People get so attached to these weird things, I think it's just because everyone loves a baby and wants to be a part of the excitement. Bless their dum-dum hearts, it appears all rules are off when it comes to a preggo.
Comment on 12th Apr '07 @ 9:05 amThis comment is 1
The article was too funny...but, we have to be careful with these 'roller coaster' emotions we have. All those people mean well; even if they are pig headed and nosey about it. They are excited for you!--*maybe even for them!*--LOL
...and before you go and tell me "i'm nuts"...im pregnant with more than my tenth...and if i had a dime for everytime someone said to me "don't you know what causes that?"--or "are you gonna have anymore?" i would be one wealthy woman!
...i've been stopped and even physically detained by those 'excited-meaning-well' types. If my kids are with me...i get the overpopulations speach...if only some are with me, i get the 'your health is too important' speech...and all variants in between...some people are down right mean....other women act as if I have "cooties" and stick there noses in the air and avoid me.
After so many years, it getting predictable...almost comical (*except for thse nasty ones.*)
One day, during my 6th pregnancy, two women stopped me at the entrance to a store. in very conescending tones they asked..."Don't you know what causes that yet?"
To which i grinned very large and said "Yes,...and it's safe to say Im fairly addicted!"
(yes, i Know THEY meant 'stupidity'...but i meant 'sex'-- and it came across that way...)
They huffed and puffed and just walked away...
LOL...I had a good chuckle over that the rest of the day.
Comment on 16th Apr '07 @ 5:46 pmThis comment is 1
Where was that article a week ago? A lady at work got all up in my face, and inspected me with this smug look on her face, and said "You are definately having a boy." When I asked why, she said: "You look a lot worse than you did before you were pregnant." Exactly what an emotionally imbalanced pregnant girl needs to hear. I felt a little better when I laughed about the fact that she had that whole stupid wives' tale backwards anyway. What are these people thinking?
Comment on 25th Apr '07 @ 5:16 pmThis comment is 1
i had someone tell me "judging by the fact that you're breaking out and your hair looks dry i'd DEFINITELY say it's a little girl, you know stealing all your good looks" ohhh my 'good looks' was that supposed to be a compliment? sheeesh some people.
Comment on 27th Apr '07 @ 3:41 pmThis comment is 1
Haha, I love this article... I just wish I had the nerve to say something back to people, instead of just smiling, and playing stupid, which I hate. I went to the babys godparents house for supper one night, and her parents were over for supper as well, being her stepdads birthday. I sat down to have supper, and her mother says to me, out of the blue, WOW, your HUGE!!! I was completely dumbfounded! Im sorry, but Im a size 8, and at 14 weeks, I havent grown much at all. Most days you cant tell Im pregnant at all. Mind you, at this time, I was constipated, and bloated, but I still wasnt that big, and you couldnt tell at all through the hoodie I was wearing! Then she had the nerve to tell me that her niece was 5 months pregnant and she was half my size! I thought that was extremely rude. Her daughter (my babys godmother) flew into her good tho. What I dont understand is how people think its perfectly acceptable to say things like that, especially to someone who had to drag herself out of bed, completely consumed by the morning sickness, or rather, the 24/7 sickness and being constipated at the same time. Its unbelievable!
Comment on 1st May '07 @ 10:06 amThis comment is 1
I think it’s a shame that so many women take these comments as inappropriate or annoying. I’m in my second trimester of my first pregnancy. I enjoy having the older women come up to me in the supermarket. It might have taken me 27 years but I’ve finally learned I don’t know everything and am more then happy to hear what they have to say. I might not take the advice or wives tale to heart but I’m not about to snub years of knowledge or just a friendly comment either. I also enjoy sharing my pregnancy with those around me. This is such an exciting time how could I not enjoy every part of it?
Comment on 13th May '07 @ 9:16 amThis comment is 1
I love this Article. This is so true, Im thinking of making myself a shirt that says "yes I'm pregnant, and No i dont need your comments" Im 14 weeks and showing just a little, I get the rudes comments such as my pregnancy is psychological or are you sure your 3 months. I'm just like arg! I really dont say much, just play stupid but it really does hurt that some people can be so inconsiderate. I have always been petite and just because im not showing like the rest of america, doesnt make me less pregnant!
Comment on 14th May '07 @ 10:14 amThis comment is 1
This article is SO FUNNY! I love it. This is my third pregnancy, second child. My belly sticks out like a sore thumb, and I love it! I really enjoy and gage myself in peoples comments. I haven't had anyone make a rude comment or say anything innapropriate so I guess that makes me lucky, but then again..I never leave the house frumpy looking and I always walk with confidence even though at times I feel aweful. It's all about your attitude and how you take things. I always want to be positive and so positive people come my way. I've been very fortunate with family as well. I think some people are taking the comments they get to seriously. But then again, I'm the kind of woman that can handle others and their comments. After all, they're just strangers. It's not like they're family and I have to love them. To all the prego woman out there: Love yourself and live in positivety, for if you do, you will only draw-in positiveness to yourself.
Comment on 14th May '07 @ 1:08 pmThis comment is 1
This article makes me laugh, I am pregnant with my first child. I have watched several babies be born! But i have to say when someone tells me that my ass was big, with the hormones runnin though me. I might snap! no one wants to hear that the have a little luggage behind them. they already know! TRUST ME. Well about the subject on how to tell what your having, my "sister" told me, and shes never been wrong, You can tell what your having by the heart beat. The higher, its a girl. the lower it is its a boy. she told me that im having a boy but we will just have to see....
Comment on 26th May '07 @ 11:58 amThis comment is 1
i can't even go to the pool with out a lady coming up to me either to touche my tummy or tell me that if i swim to swim in knee deep only any deeper can cuase misscarries which is not true my baby seems to love it being in the water relaxes my body in a way i normaly can't do and i swear if one more girl touches my tummy i'll punch them i don't like being touched unless i know the person and these ppl think just cuase i'm preg. it gives them free lissens to touche me hu uh not this moody ..... any ways yes it sucks. but some are very nice about it .
and kinda make me feel good when i get told i look great for being pregnat. so can't complian too much
Comment on 31st May '07 @ 11:08 pmThis comment is 1
I have to say that the last person I ever thought would make a dumb comment about my being pregnant was my own mother. Most girls get it from strangers...no I got it from my own blood the one who spit me out! I called her all excited with the news that she was going to be a grandma and she says "Well what are you going to do?" I though to my self what do you think? I'm gona have this baby! Then when I called her to tell her 4 years later that I'm pregnant with my second she says..."don't you know what causes that?" Now if you knew my family or my mom you would know that sex is not a discussed issue in my home, so when I told her "Yes, mom, I'm quit aware of what causes a baby, and I'm married and can do it as often as I like and to tell the truth I like to do it often." The grin on my face was I'm sure no less than priceless as the other end of the line was completely silent! I love you mom!
Comment on 6th Jun '07 @ 3:10 pmThis comment is 1
yeah my brother in law as soon as we told everyone we were expecting he was like oh you must be having a girl your back end gives it away... grrr haha :) I was only like 5 wks along!!!
Comment on 28th Aug '07 @ 11:13 amThis comment is 1
When you are pregnant, you attract other women's attention...I guess it is a remaining of stone age when a pregnant woman would only be able to survive if she had other women who had already given birth help her...;-)))) Remember it next time someone gives any comment on your pregnancy...
Comment on 9th Sep '07 @ 2:07 pmThis comment is 1
Its really hard to keep those snarky feelings at bay when you are already self concious about yourself and then someone goes and says something igrnorant like 'oh your butt is huge!' Im 14 weeks along and Im showing bigger than most women (runs in the family I guess) so Im already aware of how big I am. At work my Squad Leader tells me Im an 'extra terrestrial'. I guess she got it from that aliens movie where that thing popped out of that guys stomach? I dont know, but I already feel super ugly and NOW I have nightmares about having an alien baby. Oh goody.
Comment on 19th Nov '07 @ 5:53 amThis comment is 1
Holly, i agree with you, i'm 13 weeks and i'll be 19 when my baby is born and i have people telling me everything i need to be doing. i'm like just because you we're 25 when you had your child dosn't mean you were any more ''prepared'' than i am. no one really knows what they're getting them selfs into the first time. ugh i'm so sick of it!!!
Comment on 25th Nov '07 @ 2:26 pmThis comment is 1
hm... everyone seems to think i'm having a boy except for my mother who said its a girl because i'm carrying low and in the rear (tho people here are sayin thats for a boy too.) She swears shes right cuz she had 4 girls. So I really wonder. I don't mind either way... but I think everyone's pushing for a boy and it makes me feel like "why can't I have a little girl?" *sigh*
But either way I'll love my child so who cares right? I hope I don't get these random comments from people like so many of you guys have. I definitely wouldn't be so polite in addressing those people.
Comment on 10th Dec '07 @ 11:21 amThis comment is 1
So true . . . I am only at 14 weeks, but he advice has begun. I don't mind if it's coming from my mother, doctor or a close friend, but as this is my first pregnancy, I am in the learning stages. And there is a lot that I will need to figure out and decide bwt. me and my husband. It only irritates and confuses me when people who are clearly, voluntarily unhealthy start giving me preganancy advice, some of which is clearly wrong.
Comment on 12th Dec '07 @ 9:41 amThis comment is 1
I got advice from everyone too. The worst reaction I ever got to the news of my pregnancy was also from m mom. She said it was very sad. She said it about my second and third. With my first she didn't say that but she sure wasn't excited. sigh. She never wants to baby sit and that's not fair considering that I was her sitter for the kids all the time. She didn't even ask she would just leave and there I was with all 5 kids. So now she thinks it's really sad that I want to start going to go the doctor for medical checkups already. I'm 9 weeks now and my first appointment will only be in about 4 weeks so I'll be 13 weeks by then. I really can't understand why she cares. It's not like she'll even have to baby sit while I'm at the appointments. She irritates the heck out of me. Oh well. Good luck everyone and God bless.
Comment on 4th Jan '08 @ 8:21 pmThis comment is 1
Hilarious! I luv these blogs, they make my day! Keep up the good work!
Comment on 8th Jan '08 @ 12:32 pmThis comment is 1
I love that people always ask if you are doing stuff...ie "Are you listening to classical music?", "Are drinking milk?", "Are you taking yoga?" Because, if you're not, they will be sure to lecture you on the benefits of XYZ. I always answer with a big enthusiastic "Of Course!! It's SOO important!" and they leave feeling like they contributed...haha
Comment on 3rd Apr '08 @ 10:28 amThis comment is 1
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Comment on 26th Apr '08 @ 2:21 amThis comment is 1
I was at the store and a older lady came up to me and said either your really fat or your pregnant and I just looked at her and was like " Are you serious ?" After this happened to me my friend went out and bought me a shirt that says "Im fat because Im pregnant, what's your excuse? lol it was cute to me and made me feel a little better, I hear so many different things from everyone. I have heart burn like crazy and all i hear is that the child will have a lot of hair. I also got you are still beautiful so it has to be a boy because you face is not breaking out or your just lucky.. geez gotta love the comments lol :)
Comment on 28th Apr '08 @ 5:42 amThis comment is 1
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