The Sarcastic Journalist is a freelance writer and mother of two living near Houston, Texas. She has a degree in journalism and an addiction to magazines. She is hoping never to experience the "joy" of pregnancy again. You can find much more of her home-grown snark at: shenuts.com
In addition to recounting 40 not-so-glowing but hilarious weeks of her pregnancy for our pregnancy calendar the Sarcastic Journalist used her sarcasm super-powers to help make our new edgy sarcastic pregnancy tickers. Check 'em out!
Week 14 : Let’s hear it for the boys (and my fat butt)
Everything changes the second the double lines appear on the home pregnancy test. You are no longer you. You are now a pregnant woman. And apparently you are now available for public pestering regarding everything to do with pregnancy. That’s right: the tiny baby in your belly makes women around the world believe they can give you advice.
My personal favorites happen to be the old wives tales. It’ll happen at least once; you’ll be standing in line at the store and an older lady will approach you. She’ll tell you that since you’re packing on pounds in your rear that it is “a boy!”
Wait. Did she just tell you that your butt is fat?
Yes, and she feels she has the right to do so. Why? Because you are pregnant!
When else could someone comment on the width of your nose (if it has spread, it is a boy) or the size of your breasts (bigger means girl!) than when you are with child?
What better time to assault a woman than when she is pregnant, hormonal and changing daily? Most of us are either too shocked or too polite to tell these women where they can take their advice.
Next time one of these ladies points out that “the little girl in there has stolen all your looks,” pat her on the rear and say “So, I assume you’re due with your little boy any day now?
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and my husband. bless his heart. well will go to the obs office for an ultrasound, and he will look at a pregnant woman and go "OH MY GOD! YOU ARE HUGE!!!" ummm. honey. NOT the thing to say to a pregnant woman.
AH!! i think i might do that... i am tired of people trying to rub my belly...and of the advise... i would love to tell them to all kiss my ***...
I have two VERY opinionated roommates, both of which think their right ALL of the time, its VERY annoying. I'm planning to move OUT and move in with my boyfriend ASAP! I cannot stand the constant advice and insisting that I'm having a girl. Like, really? Did you run up in there and look? Is that how you "KNOW" I'm having a girl. Uhh didn't think so.. ughh.. I hope its a boy, just so their wrong and I can rub it in...
:]
I'm 14 weeks with my fist baby and I hardly show that I'm pregnant. I think it's mostly because naturally I'm pretty skinny and tall (size 0-2, 5'10). So about a week ago when I told at work that I'm pregnant, one woman came to me and said: "I can't wait to finally see you fat!" I thought she was joking, but she wasn't. She also added with some sarcasm that I can forget about skinny jeans for at least 6 months if not forever and that I will be wearing matunity clothes after pregnancy for quit some time, like she did.
I mean I don't have high expectations that I will remain the same size after pregnancy, but I don't think those comments were friendly either.
Maybe I shouldn't keep asking her to go to the gym with me. Now she is paying back. :)
To all women out there - Don't pay attention to what some people tell you. As long as you stay positive, you will get back to track after the baby is born. But right now enjoy being pregnant and focus on yourself and your baby. :)
i'm 14 weeks and showing a bit more than most women, all the women in my family get bigger than the norm. it seems like everyone that knows i'm pregnant asks if i'm having twins and when i tell them no they tell me i eat to much. omg that just makes me so mad my soon to be husband just laughs, but on the days that i'm crying over everything i really do feel fat. sometimes others should just keep their comments to themselves. if you don't have anything nice to say, shut up...=D
I have to laugh right now at this article. I am 14 weeks prenant wtih our fifth child. I have had four miscarriages and we want this little one so much. As I have with all my children.
But I am already quite big this time, which I never was with my others like this and I already and starting to get the litte comments and "advice" that seems to come from all directions. This made me think of when I was pregnant with my last child and was a little over eight months along. I was big and clumsy, it was late in the evening and I had to finish getting throghh line at walmart before I could go home. I was also corraling My three children, then 5, 3 and 2 and my neice who I watching at the time, while two of them howled and screamed because they were too tired to care what everyone thought. A lady walked up to me, put her hand on my stomach, ( mind you I do not like to be touched at all by people I don't know anyway, but especially then when I was very hormonal!) And proceeded to ask if they were all mine. I stated very curtly that yes, they were. She then rushed on to comment on the fact that "I was having another one and must have been been VERY busy! DIdn't I know what caused that?" At that point with everyone looking at the choas going on around me, being very tired and very pregnant I had had enough. My husband walked up about the time that I looked her in the eye and snapped: " I have been with my husband for eight years and if we have sex four times in eight years that doesnt' sound like I have been too busy have I?!" She looked totally shocked and took her hand away without saying a word. She turned red and walked away sputtering. My hubby thought it all very funny while I was steamed for a little while. How dare someone walkup acting like they had the right to touch mye and comment on my private business!
Needless to say I am not that snappish on a regular dya and hope that I don't get so snappy during this pregnancy, but face it. The last month is rough, and we are tired and sensitive. People should be more considerate of other peoples feeling, even if we are pregnant.
Hilarious! I luv these blogs, they make my day! Keep up the good work!
I got advice from everyone too. The worst reaction I ever got to the news of my pregnancy was also from m mom. She said it was very sad. She said it about my second and third. With my first she didn't say that but she sure wasn't excited. sigh. She never wants to baby sit and that's not fair considering that I was her sitter for the kids all the time. She didn't even ask she would just leave and there I was with all 5 kids. So now she thinks it's really sad that I want to start going to go the doctor for medical checkups already. I'm 9 weeks now and my first appointment will only be in about 4 weeks so I'll be 13 weeks by then. I really can't understand why she cares. It's not like she'll even have to baby sit while I'm at the appointments. She irritates the heck out of me. Oh well. Good luck everyone and God bless.
So true . . . I am only at 14 weeks, but he advice has begun. I don't mind if it's coming from my mother, doctor or a close friend, but as this is my first pregnancy, I am in the learning stages. And there is a lot that I will need to figure out and decide bwt. me and my husband. It only irritates and confuses me when people who are clearly, voluntarily unhealthy start giving me preganancy advice, some of which is clearly wrong.
hm... everyone seems to think i'm having a boy except for my mother who said its a girl because i'm carrying low and in the rear (tho people here are sayin thats for a boy too.) She swears shes right cuz she had 4 girls. So I really wonder. I don't mind either way... but I think everyone's pushing for a boy and it makes me feel like "why can't I have a little girl?" *sigh*
But either way I'll love my child so who cares right? I hope I don't get these random comments from people like so many of you guys have. I definitely wouldn't be so polite in addressing those people.
Its really hard to keep those snarky feelings at bay when you are already self concious about yourself and then someone goes and says something igrnorant like 'oh your butt is huge!' Im 14 weeks along and Im showing bigger than most women (runs in the family I guess) so Im already aware of how big I am. At work my Squad Leader tells me Im an 'extra terrestrial'. I guess she got it from that aliens movie where that thing popped out of that guys stomach? I dont know, but I already feel super ugly and NOW I have nightmares about having an alien baby. Oh goody.
When you are pregnant, you attract other women's attention...I guess it is a remaining of stone age when a pregnant woman would only be able to survive if she had other women who had already given birth help her...;-)))) Remember it next time someone gives any comment on your pregnancy...
i can't even go to the pool with out a lady coming up to me either to touche my tummy or tell me that if i swim to swim in knee deep only any deeper can cuase misscarries which is not true my baby seems to love it being in the water relaxes my body in a way i normaly can't do and i swear if one more girl touches my tummy i'll punch them i don't like being touched unless i know the person and these ppl think just cuase i'm preg. it gives them free lissens to touche me hu uh not this moody ..... any ways yes it sucks. but some are very nice about it .
and kinda make me feel good when i get told i look great for being pregnat. so can't complian too much
This article makes me laugh, I am pregnant with my first child. I have watched several babies be born! But i have to say when someone tells me that my ass was big, with the hormones runnin though me. I might snap! no one wants to hear that the have a little luggage behind them. they already know! TRUST ME. Well about the subject on how to tell what your having, my "sister" told me, and shes never been wrong, You can tell what your having by the heart beat. The higher, its a girl. the lower it is its a boy. she told me that im having a boy but we will just have to see....
This article is SO FUNNY! I love it. This is my third pregnancy, second child. My belly sticks out like a sore thumb, and I love it! I really enjoy and gage myself in peoples comments. I haven't had anyone make a rude comment or say anything innapropriate so I guess that makes me lucky, but then again..I never leave the house frumpy looking and I always walk with confidence even though at times I feel aweful. It's all about your attitude and how you take things. I always want to be positive and so positive people come my way. I've been very fortunate with family as well. I think some people are taking the comments they get to seriously. But then again, I'm the kind of woman that can handle others and their comments. After all, they're just strangers. It's not like they're family and I have to love them. To all the prego woman out there: Love yourself and live in positivety, for if you do, you will only draw-in positiveness to yourself.
I love this Article. This is so true, Im thinking of making myself a shirt that says "yes I'm pregnant, and No i dont need your comments" Im 14 weeks and showing just a little, I get the rudes comments such as my pregnancy is psychological or are you sure your 3 months. I'm just like arg! I really dont say much, just play stupid but it really does hurt that some people can be so inconsiderate. I have always been petite and just because im not showing like the rest of america, doesnt make me less pregnant!
I think it’s a shame that so many women take these comments as inappropriate or annoying. I’m in my second trimester of my first pregnancy. I enjoy having the older women come up to me in the supermarket. It might have taken me 27 years but I’ve finally learned I don’t know everything and am more then happy to hear what they have to say. I might not take the advice or wives tale to heart but I’m not about to snub years of knowledge or just a friendly comment either. I also enjoy sharing my pregnancy with those around me. This is such an exciting time how could I not enjoy every part of it?
i had someone tell me "judging by the fact that you're breaking out and your hair looks dry i'd DEFINITELY say it's a little girl, you know stealing all your good looks" ohhh my 'good looks' was that supposed to be a compliment? sheeesh some people.
Where was that article a week ago? A lady at work got all up in my face, and inspected me with this smug look on her face, and said "You are definately having a boy." When I asked why, she said: "You look a lot worse than you did before you were pregnant." Exactly what an emotionally imbalanced pregnant girl needs to hear. I felt a little better when I laughed about the fact that she had that whole stupid wives' tale backwards anyway. What are these people thinking?
The article was too funny...but, we have to be careful with these 'roller coaster' emotions we have. All those people mean well; even if they are pig headed and nosey about it. They are excited for you!--*maybe even for them!*--LOL
...and before you go and tell me "i'm nuts"...im pregnant with more than my tenth...and if i had a dime for everytime someone said to me "don't you know what causes that?"--or "are you gonna have anymore?" i would be one wealthy woman!
...i've been stopped and even physically detained by those 'excited-meaning-well' types. If my kids are with me...i get the overpopulations speach...if only some are with me, i get the 'your health is too important' speech...and all variants in between...some people are down right mean....other women act as if I have "cooties" and stick there noses in the air and avoid me.
After so many years, it getting predictable...almost comical (*except for thse nasty ones.*)
One day, during my 6th pregnancy, two women stopped me at the entrance to a store. in very conescending tones they asked..."Don't you know what causes that yet?"
To which i grinned very large and said "Yes,...and it's safe to say Im fairly addicted!"
(yes, i Know THEY meant 'stupidity'...but i meant 'sex'-- and it came across that way...)
They huffed and puffed and just walked away...
LOL...I had a good chuckle over that the rest of the day.
When I was about 5 months pregnant with my first (not even wearing maternity clothes all the time yet), a lady at my church insisted that I needed to be checked for twins. She caught me on a bad day, and I just said, "wow, that seems like a really rude thing to say to someone" with a sad look on my face. She was shocked! I wish to this day I had a picture of her surprise - it totally brightened my day but I tried not to let it show in front of her. Also, with my first, my crazy mother insisted on flying 1000 miles so she could administer her "swinging pencil test," which helped her determine without any doubt that I was having a girl. She was SOOO strangely upset when we told her it would be a boy! People get so attached to these weird things, I think it's just because everyone loves a baby and wants to be a part of the excitement. Bless their dum-dum hearts, it appears all rules are off when it comes to a preggo.
I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I'm only 17, so I know how it feels when people are like, "oh you're so young, are you ready for this". It makes me so mad because I'm the one dealing with all of it and I don't need their snarky little comments to make me feel like a bad person for getting pregnant as a teen.(not that it was planned) And going to high school pregnant is no picnic. Everyone thinks just because I'm fixing to have a baby, that they can make comments on my weight every DAY! They think it doesn't offend me but it does. Ya know, I don't comment on the extra five pounds they put on so why should they get to? Pregnancy is complicated.
Hmm, wonder what I'm having? My grandmother said my butt is wider so I'm having a boy (it's NOT wider by the way - my jeans still fit) and my mother in law says I'm having a girl because my boobs have gotten quite huge (they have and I'm only 13 wks in). I guess it's a 50/50 chance :).
I look forward to these every week. Even when I've had the worst week, these articles always seem to make me laugh. Thanks for making this so much more bearable!
During my first pregnancy, at 38 weeks, I had a woman argue with me, saying, "The baby hasn't dropped yet." My side of the argument seemed quite valid: That's funny, because I can feel when the baby turns his head INSIDE my pubic bones!!! (You know, waaaaay down there!) This lady still thought she was right, though. funny.
im pretty young and all i hear is "ohh are you sure your ready for this baby"....ofcourse im sure im still pregnant arent i...stop telling me im too young to be prgenant....im a big girl and i make my own decisions.....i choose to join the military and help defend this country didnt i ......i think i can decide whether or not im ready for a baby....
I am sick and tires of the comments! I have this lady at work that she insista I am having a girl since I was 6 weeks! And i mean she is really agressive about it when people ask me things she will just step in and call the baby a she, just because she likes little girls. I am really pissed off with the whole situation as I dont want to be rude or give the wrong impression that i dont want a girl. I dont have any preferences but even if i did obviously other people know better. Not to ment5ion teh fact that the usual advice is about the long labour and wishes like oh enjoy these xmas as you will be rushed on your feet on the next one! Thank you guys. I knew from the start that its not a walk in the park but obviously i cannot even look forward to it!
“So, I assume you’re due with your little boy any day now? NOW THAT'S A GOOD ONE I AM GOING TO USE! LOL!
I love the women who tell you how you should feel. I have had weird cravings since day one. My cravings were the reason that I get a pregnancy test. I mean who eats peanut butter and mustard?? Yet those people who have NEVER been pregnant would tell me "its too soon to have cravings" while those who had been pregnant would tell me the same thing. Don't get me wrong I enjoy the advice but not that. I cant stand it when people tell me how I should feel being pregnant.
I cannot stand those people. It drives me insane. I have 2 boys and another baby on the way. I have heard I have no many stories, but some of these woman can have some kind of intuition. Before I had missed a period or I even knew I was pregnant, I had several woman ask me when I was due. They said they could tell I was pregnant. I became very offended so I got a pregnancy test and then found out I was pregnant.
I had a lady turn me around and look at my butt when I was only like 10 weeks and told me i was having a boy, I told her I have always had a huge rear and it hadn't grown any yet at all! some people are crazy!!!
Try the "If you don't eat what you crave, the baby will come out looking like that." That's my grandmother's favorite.